I've decided to run for King of England. I figure I'll take Liz and her boy Chuck by surprise since no one's challenged the current incumbents for decades, maybe centuries. I'm not sure; I've got a lot of research to do. That's OK; the election's not until 2006. For my opening salvo, I've issued three campaign decrees:
- Campaign Decree No. 1
- Everyone in England shall automatically become a member of the royal family.
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- Campaign Decree No. 2
- King Dazza means good entertainment value: I'll hire the best actors, models and entertainers to represent me at all official functions.
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- Campaign Decree No. 3
- Everyone in England shall receive free beer or tea.
It's not going to be easy. A lot of people I've talked with don't want to be members of the royal family. And a lot of women I've surveyed don't think the model I've chosen to represent me on my initial campaign material is very handsome. (That's not a big problem, since anyone looks better than doleful Chuck.) The good news is that so far "free beer or tea" has one hundred percent voter approval. Vote for Dazza! Dazza for King!
