I've decided to run for King of England. I figure I'll take Liz and her boy Chuck by surprise since no one's challenged the current incumbents for decades, maybe centuries. I'm not sure; I've got a lot of research to do. That's OK; the election's not until 2006.
For my opening salvo, I've issued three campaign decrees:
It's not going to be easy. A lot of people I've talked with don't want to be members of the royal family. And a lot of women I've surveyed don't think the model I've chosen to represent me on my initial campaign material is very handsome. (That's not a big problem, since anyone looks better than doleful Chuck.) The good news is that so far "free beer or tea" has one hundred percent voter approval.
- Campaign Decree No. 1
- Everyone in England shall automatically become a member of the royal family.
- Campaign Decree No. 2
- King Dazza means good entertainment value: I'll hire the best actors, models and entertainers to represent me at all official functions.
- Campaign Decree No. 3
- Everyone in England shall receive free beer or tea.
Vote for Dazza! Dazza for King!