Stare.
 
2002 Notebook: Weak VI
 
   
5 February 2002
The Dark World of British Art
Ivan Massow, the chairman of the Institute of Contemporary Arts in London, said what just about everyone knows: most conceptual art is “pretentious, self-indulgent, craftless tat.”

So far so good.

I disagreed with Massow, though, when he added that the British art world is in “danger of disappearing up its own arse.” Being not unfamiliar with such things, and having read some of his other comments, I questioned his use of the future tense.

6 February 2002
The Rabid Weasels Retort
Rosemary Klavitz sent me the following email message this morning.

    Dear Mr. Rinehaet [sic],

    I could not help but notice that you used the same Martin Mull quote (“None is so blind as he who cannot see.”) twice, first on 7 March 1998 and again on 14 July 2000. Repeating the same thing, even at 860-day intervals, is the very opposite of creativity. Shame on you.

    Yours truly,

    Rosemary Klavitz

Hmmm ...

My first response was to tell her that I’d already published an acknowledgment that I occasionally—albeit inadvertantly—repeat the same quote. I then thought that sounded too defensive, and that such a reply might lead to a debating session with someone every bit as stupid as me.

I ended up sending Rosemary Klavitz a one-sentence rhyme:

    Rabid weasels in your beds,
    will soon chew you to shreds.

I don’t think I’ll be engaging in further correspondence with Rosemary Klavitz.

7 February 2002
The Richest Man in the World is Really Annoyed
A serf of one of the world’s richest men issued a statement that his master, “is really annoyed by the incredible pain we put everyone through in computing.”

“It’s about time the richest man in the world got really annoyed,” I told my lab assistant Roger, “after all his minions have done to annoy us.”

“Roger that,” Roger replied without a hint of irony.

“Would you agree that half the people on the planet hate the richest man in the world?” I asked.

“If that’s true,” Roger replied, “it may be because the other half don’t know who he is.”

8 February 2002
Burrito Sex?!
I receive a lot of junk email, or “spam” as it’s colloquially known. I immediately delete all such spam as soon as it arrives, but for some reason I hesitated today when I received a message with the heading, “Subject: Burrito Sex.”

Burrito sex?!

The body of the message simply read, “See International Star ‘[name deleted]’ have sex with a burrito in the new movie “[title deleted].” (I think the mail was a prank, but I don’t want to give the spammer’s film any publicity in case it really exists.)

Burrito sex?!

gratuitous image
9 February 2002
Sausage Cupcake
I believe that the only reason to have children is to experiment on them. Since having even a single kid costs hundreds of thousands of dollars and years and years of time, I figured that was much too much to pay for conducting a string of experiments.

That’s why I experiment on my friends’ offspring. For example, after telling three-year old Luke that nothing tastes better than bananas and catsup, his parents report that he now refuses to eat a banana without catsup.

I decided to expand Luke’s culinary horizons by making him a meat cupcake. (Recipe: put chocolate icing, vanilla icing, and a small piece of pasta on top of a hot dog slice.)

“That’s stupid!” was Luke’s review of my concoction.

I wasn’t discouraged. After all, it took me over a year to convince him to eat bananas and catsup. The life of a scientist is not one of immediate gratification.

10 February 2002
Why Not Eat Insects?
I ran across an interesting, small volume on a friend’s bookshelf: Why Not Eat Insects?

Here’s the rest of the copy on the cover of Vincent M. Holt’s 1885 book:

    Them insecs [sic] eats up every blessed green thing that do grow, and us farmers starve.

    Well, eat them, and grow fat!

And so, why not eat insects? I cannot understand why this question has gone unanswered for well over a century.

11 February 2002
Her First Wedding Should Be the Nicest
Dr. Allard reported that his sister had a delightful wedding, and that—as I suspected—his graphic design contributions were entirely ignored.

“I wouldn’t take it personally,” I advised. “After all, it was her day. And I think you’d agree that her first wedding should be the nicest.”

Who could argue with that? Certainly not Dr. Allard.

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©2002 David Glenn Rinehart