Stare.
 
2002 Notebook: Weak XXIX
 
   
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17 July 2002
No. 2,884 (cartoon)
I loathe my flaws; I hate who I am.

That’s not true; you’re just a clever narcissist.

18 July 2002
No Stupid Questions
Last night, I went to an opening of an exhibit by thirteen artists. Each person’s work was accompanied by a written answer to an awkwardly-worded statement, “List some words to describe your work?”

(Mr. Garrison was on to something when he observed, “There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.”)

I liked Eamon Ore-Giron’s response, “Anally retentive, kind of crappy, but in this cool way.”

Amy Rathbone provided my favorite answer. “Do this do this do that. Do this do this do that. Do this do this do that. Do this do this do that. Do this do this do that. Do this do this do that. Do this do this do that. Do this do this do that. Do this do this do that. Do this do this do that. Do this do this do that. Do this do this do that.”

19 July 2002
Fishing and Catching
I enjoy fishing. When people tell me that they don’t enjoy fishing, they usually mean that they only like catching. I’m fortunate; I enjoy both fishing and catching.

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20 July 2002
Amazing Wet-on-Wet Technique
Some idiot named Bob Ross sent me junk mail urging me to discover the joy of painting by purchasing the Bob Ross Master Paint Set Bonus Kit. Bob the buffoon assures me that for only U.S.$149.95, I can make paintings that are as bombastically mediocre as his. I think “Bob’s amazing Wet-on-Wet technique” may put him in the same league as “Master’s Art, World’s Most Renown [sic] Artist.”

21 July 2002
Healthy Vodka
Frank returned to the lab with an experiment waiting to happen, a frozen bottle of “Absolut Mandarin” vodka. After we sampled his latest catch, I opined that it tasted like the cough syrup I was force-fed as a child.

Toward the end of the bottle, we all agreed that anything that tasted that healthy had to be salubrious.

22 July 2002
Spinach and Rat Day
Six hundred and twenty-four years ago today, the Pied Piper of Hamelin took the rats on the first of his famous one-way marches.

I’ve been thinking about rats ever since I heard a news story about rodents and spinach. Some scientists somewhere have concluded that spinach minimizes mental deterioration in old rats.

That’s news I can use.

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©2002 David Glenn Rinehart