- 5 June 2004
- No. 3,287 (cartoon)
- Im so sick and tired.
Sick and tired of what?
Of being so sick and tired.
- 6 June 2004
- Good Riddance, Vegetable Ronnie
- What a party! Ronald Reagans body, the affable vegetable, is finally dead. The news media are full of sentimental stories about Americas senile grandparent, but those of us at the lab remember a different Reagan. The idiot who secretly funded nun-raping, murderous, Central American mercenaries, then called them great patriots. The moron who gave huge tax cuts to the rich, paid for some of it by cutting affordable housing support by seventy-five percent, then lamented there was nothing the government could do about people who preferred to sleep on a sidewalk instead of under a roof. The homophobic cretin who ignored an epidemic and never used the acronym AIDS in public until his last days in office. And so on.
We had quite a celebration; good fucking riddance.
- 7 June 2004
- The Unforgettable Aroma of Flint
- Im writing this in Flint, Michigan, where French roast coffee means weak, coffee-flavored water with a little splash of cheap perfume in it. It tastes like the sludge from a gonorrhea-infected washing basin at a dingy Ukrainian brothel. At least I imagine it does, even though Ive never been to the Ukraine. It couldnt be worse than Flint.
- 8 June 2004
- Behind the Curtain in Appleteon
- The Outagamie Museum in Appleton, Wisconsinone purported birthplace of Harry Houdinifeatures detailed explanations of the tricksters technical gimmicks. This has annoyed a lot of alleged magicians, who generally maintain an informal code of conduct that prohibits them from revealing the trade secrets behind their magic.
Walter Zaney Blaney, someone no ones ever heard of, claimed, all magicians have decided among themselves that they will boycott the museum. Im talking worldwide.
I dont know what all the hubbubs about; everyone knows that magicians lie; thats their job description. After all, Houdini was born in Hungary, not the United States. I think its great when people reveal magicians little scams; that allows us to fully appreciate real magic on those rare experiences when were completely overwhelmed by it.
- 9 June 2004
- A Questionable Technical Advance
- Today, the Apple corporation introduced a new line of faster computers. I welcomed the news; I can always waste time more efficiently with a faster computer.
I noted with some concern, however, that the fastest computer is cooled by liquids, not the usual fans that dissipate heat. Even though computer software is notoriously unreliable, at least the hardware is fairly dependable since there are almost no moving parts except the data storage devices.
I havent had a chance to review the technical specifications of the new models, but it doesnt take a vivid imagination to envision calling a plumber to fix a broken computer.
- 10 June 2004
- Not a Typo
- Alicia wrote, I need to here from you soon.
I knew it wasnt a typo, so I bought a ticket to Tierra del Fuego. It will be a joy to see Alicia again, and to be immediately surrounded by two oceans for the first time in my life.
- 11 June 2004
- Boneless Arm
- I saw a man with a boneless arm in the park today, what an incredible sight! His arm just hung off his shoulder like a big, limp sausage that swung and wiggled as he walked. When he bent over a faucet to get a drink of water, the arm with its jelly fingers flopped against the wall.
I wonder what its like to have a boneless limb? I have an amputated finger, but with the bone intact its surprisingly efficacious.
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©2004 David Glenn Rinehart