Stare.
 
2005 Notebook: Weak I
 
   
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1 January 2005
No. 8,074 (cartoon)
Is this the end?

The end was a long time ago.

2 January 2005
Editing Visual Memory
Today I began this year’s major project: scanning negatives made over a twenty-five year period. I started with photographs I made in 1999, the last time I used film, then went back in time.

I’d been postponing scanning the thousands and thousands of negatives because of technical concerns. Now that I’m using an excellent, five-thousand dollar film scanner, I got my first look at the conceptual considerations.

As I looked at my first box of negatives to decide which ones to scan, I realized this was probably the last time anyone, including myself, will ever see these images again. I’ll keep the negatives until I die, but I’ll probably never pull them out of storage.

I’m conscious that I’m editing my memories. I didn’t scan my negatives of Jyothi. I may never see her again, and my visual record of her limited to a small, low-resolution notebook entry. My 1997 trip to Rhodes will be represented by two images, my 1993 trip to Banff by none. And so on.

2005 promises to be an interesting year.

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3 January 2005
David Rinehart Memorial Trophy
Marsha sent me a photograph of the David Rinehart Memorial Trophy. It doesn’t appear to be a trophy at all, but that’s neither here nor there. Why the Western Michigan Arabian Horse Association has named an award after me, this I do not know. And what are the two horses in the drawing, er, trophy, doing? Racing? Trying to copulate? Escape the slaughterhouse?

I don’t care, since the one thing I do know is that I’ll never receive the award since it’s in my memory.

4 January 2005
Mister Debauched
“Happy new year!” I said to Louisa when I ran into her in the hallway. “I trust you enjoyed weeks of debauched holidays.”

“Happy new year to you, too,” she said after an awkward pause.

Later, she came by for a chat.

“I’m sorry,” Louisa apologized, “but my innocent mind didn’t register what you said in the hall. From now on, I will always think of you as Mister Debauched.”

I told her that was the nicest thing anyone had said to me all year, and I meant it.

5 January 2005
Behinder and Behinder
The earth collapsed into itself after the recent, massive earthquake. Our planet is now a little smaller, so it's spinning a little faster. As a result, the days are now one ten-thousandth of a second shorter than they used to be.

Thanks to modern scientists, I now know why I’m even more behind schedule than I was a couple of weeks ago.

6 January 2005
Pixels the Size of Watermelons
Fernando is working on an obscenely lucrative project, something about building a miniature, enclosed rainforest in Iowa.

“David,” he enthused, “you have to cash in on this scam! They’re paying for pixels the size of watermelons!”

“Maderas or Sangrias?” I asked.

Fernando was flummoxed, but it didn’t matter whether the pixels are as big as Maderas (six to ten kilograms) or Sangrias (ten to twelve kilograms). I won’t go to Iowa for any amount of money.

7 January 2005
IL
Technically and chronologically speaking, I’m il today, but I don’t feel like it. And I’m most certainly not acting that way.

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8 January 2005
IL (for Klara)
A few minutes before my forty-ninth birthday, Klara commanded me to, “do something spectacular, please,” on the day. It wasn’t quite, “Etonnez-moi,” but I got the message. The wrong message, perhaps, but a message nevertheless.

I looked through my notes for over a hundred ideas in progress [sic] database, and found a project using telex tape that I’d never started. Today’s piece is one of those intentionally cryptic pieces that’s not spectacular, but I like it. It gets the message across, at least for Klara.

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©2005 David Glenn Rinehart