- 16 April 2005
- No. 5,258 (cartoon)
- Ill never forget you.
- 17 April 2005
- A Wee Bit Too Young and Much Too Old
- Poor Gordon obviously wants Anna in the worst way, and thats the way she thinks of him. And thats about all they have in common, as far as I can tell.
Looks like you rather fancy Anna, I observed.
Aye, Gordon replied, but shes a wee bit too young for me.
I suppose so, I replied.
I politely decided not to translate his comment into plain English: hes much too old for her.
- 18 April 2005
- Muttly and the Psychopath
- Muttly is a dog rich in mutt-like qualities, and thus easily lives up to his name.
Muttly looks deranged, I commented to Fearghas.
He always gets that way when its time for his visit to the psychopath, Fearghas confirmed.
You live near a psychopath? I asked.
A two minute walk, if that, Fearghas confirmed, its very convenient.
Sounds like an uncomfortable arrangement at best, I replied.
The psychopath keeps Muttly sane, Fearghas said, You should take him on a little visit.
I politely declined. And that led to a discussion that cleared up a critical misunderstanding: Muttly likes to walk along the cycle path.
- 19 April 2005
- Leslies Lumbago
- It looks like I wont be seeing Leslie and Marjorie on this visit to their island; Leslie has lumbago.
Lumbago is one of those words Ive heard from time to time without ever understanding what it meant. Synaesthesia, however, suggested a few possibilities, such as a tropical disease. Maybe Leslie came down with lumbago after being in Eden.
Lumbago also sound like one of those peripheral glands that one never notices, one of those organs that secretes the chemicals for growing toenails or something.
Concerned spouse: How bad is it doctor?
Surgeon: The operation will be risky; the bullet is lodged next to the lumbago.
Turns out that lumbago is something close to a pain in the derrière. Im so relieved lumbago isnt called by its logical synonym, Rinehart.
- 20 April 2005
- Today is the twentieth day of April, or, as my North American friends would abbreviate the date, 4/20. And so it is that a number of Internet discussion groups are full of snickering references to 420, which is slang for marijuana.
As a lazy person, I can appreciate why someone would want to use a contraction for a four-syllable, nine-character word like marijuana. Unfortunately, 420 is but one syllable shorter. And although 420 is only three characters long, we already have a perfectly good three-character, one-syllable word for marijuana: pot.
In addition to being almost universally understood by the relevant demographic, pot has another advantage: it will never expand to eleven characters, i.e. four-twenty. I suppose I could go one with this silly comparison, but its tedious without the benefit of pot, which itself is no longer of interest.
And so, Im headed back to the pub for ale, a more rewarding three-character, one-syllable drug.
- 21 April 2005
- Im about near the end of my artists residency at The Old Chain Pier, so its time to actually produce something. And so, after much deliberation after many pints of ale, I decided to leave some treasure behind. I doubt many pirates based themselves in Edinburgh, but that was nevertheless my idea.
Of course, burying treasure begs the obvious question: why? Or, more accurately: whats in it for me? And thats why I decided to leave two alleged treasures.
The first treasure was of the traditional flavor. I hid a small note rolled into a tight cylinder that read, Since you found this hidden note, I owe you a drink. Heres how to contact me as of April, 2005, followed by the relevant contact information. And just to make things interesting, I left a nearly identical note that read, Since you found this hidden note, you owe me a drink.
About the only thing I liked about this piece was that I wrote Treasure? on the outside of each note. Except for the odd signature, that may be the only time Ive use a pen in the course of making purported art.
I wonder if this escapade will gain and/or lose me a drink?
- 22 April 2005
- Bull Pucky!
- Im on Kinky Love Motions flight 33 from Amsterdam to Seattle, and I cant use my computer until I finish my meal. And so it is that I decided to have a look at the mediocre movie thats playing. In an act of breathtaking creativity, the stupid film has been dumbed down for the airline version.
As a result, all the potentially offensive expletives have been replaced by exclamations that couldnt offend anyone. And thus Im watching bad guys beat up, shoot up, and torture good guys and vice versa. And to express their pain and rage, the actors are screaming some quite improbable lines.
Gosh darn you!
And so on.
Although Im generally opposed to censorship as well as pandering to the lowest common denominator, in this case the changes have transformed a mediocre drama into a something of a comedy. Nevertheless, its still bull pucky.
- 23 April 2005
- Have a Pint for Me
- Rather unimaginatively, I decided my residency in the pub should include drinking good ale, so thats what I did. In fact, I drank for myself as well as for friends who werent able to join me for one reason or another. And thats how I arrived at, Have a Pint for Me, Nine Pints of Fine Ale Deliberately Enjoyed at the Old Chain Pier on the Firth of Forth During the Month of April, 2005.
The piece really isnt done. It wants to be on paper, but Im not sure its worth it. And so, at present, it only exists as an ephemeral sketch on the Internet.
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©2005 David Glenn Rinehart