- 18 September 2005
- No. 8,601 (cartoon)
- I fear death.
Not as much as you fear life.
- 19 September 2005
- Perpetually Stranded Buffalonians
- I looked around this afternoon, and wondered aloud why all these people live in Buffalo. Helena explained that they simply dont know how to leave. Long ago, traffic engineers removed all signs indicating how to exit the city. And thus, Helena maintained, generations of Buffalonians live there because they dont know how to get from here to there.
I suppose its like Gertrude Stein said, Theres no there there.
- 20 September 2005
- Matts Memorable Farewell
- Matt said something amazing this morning as I was leaving for the airport.
Goodbye, David, he said, thanks for visiting.
Matts sentiments werent remarkable, but his delivery was. He said the five words in the course of a long belch.
Matt shrugged when I marveled at his exceptional ability; he takes his skill for granted. I suppose thats always the way it is; I rarely meet anyone who thinks their unusual talents are noteworthy.
- 21 September 2005
- Creative Poetry Scam
- Villem is making lots of money in poetry. Hes not writing it, hes promoting it. Sort of.
Villem is selling lots of Poets Promotional Packages for thirty-five dollars each. Each packet consists of an eight-page booklet exhorting poets not to hide their light under a bushel (whatever that means) and forty-one oversized envelopes addressed to prominent poetry editors and publishers.
Now heres the beautiful part: the editors know what Villems doing, so they dont bother opening the preaddressed submissions. All the aspiring poets work goes directly to the trash, with one notable exception.
Al Rogers, the editor of the Nome Poetry Review, welcomes all the poetry he receives. All the poems go into a shredder, then into his stove. The poetry may not warm anyones heart, but the drivel keeps Rogers cabin warm throughout the long Alaskan winter.
- 22 September 2005
- Kleptonesia and/or Cryptonesia
- Im confused, as usual. I heard a story on the radio about people who unconsciously plagiarize. The name for this practice is something like kleptonesia or cryptonesia; beats me.
I used to inadvertently steal other peoples work, but I dont anymore. Thats because I like to be in control of what I do. And so, when I steal, I like to know what Ive purloined so that I can cover my tracks. I feel sorry for drunks and artists who dont know what happened last night.
As an aside, I dont remember what happened last night, but that gas nothing to do with kleptonesia, cryptonesia, or a liter of vodka. Thats my story, and I believe it. Sort of.
- 23 September 2005
- Disaster Planning
- As if anyone might have hallucinated otherwise, government bureaucrats have advised that no one should rely on them for a few days after a natural disaster such as a hurricane or an earthquake. Having seen the suffering in the wake of the recent hurricane, it seems clear that when disaster strikes, its every looter for herself.
I evaluated the situation here at the lab, and noted that we dont even have a three-hour supply of Rainier Ale. Im not sure what to do about that. I should keep enough ail to last for three days. That may be impossible, though, since demand always expands to overwhelm supply. Ill have to look at the numbers, but I fear theres no such thing as a three-day supply of Rainier Ale.
Oh well. If theres an earthquake strong enough to interrupt ail deliveries, with any luck it will be powerful enough to kill me so that I wont notice. I suppose thats what it will take for supply to exceed demand.
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©2005 David Glenn Rinehart