I’m bored too.

“John Edgar Hoover died today,” he reported gravely.

Most of the lads were indifferent, but not me. I clapped. I cheered. I expressed unrestrained glee after hearing about the demise of a nasty, little dictator.

“That’s not a very Christian attitude,” my instructor chastised.

I just smirked a teenage smirk, since I knew that would bother him as much as his reactionary, moronic politics irritated me. Too bad I didn’t know then that Hoover was a cross-dresser; that would really have thrown a succulent glob of trichinosis on his moral bacon.

“I don’t drink, so it was kind of hard for me to get the right amount of slobber going,” Ronstadt continued, as if trying to explain why Joplin, who died before her twenty-eighth birthday, is generally more highly regarded.

Having said that, I must admit I like Ronstadt’s work. (But, since I’d like to housesit for her, I would say that, wouldn’t I?)

To address this alleged problem, engineers at Bitboost Systems came up with a software package called PawSense. When the program detects cat-like typing, it turns off the computer. Or, at least that’s what was supposed to happen.

During my rigorous research, I discovered that Bitboost Systems seems to have gone out of business. Why this is I do not know, but I suspect that PawSense didn’t sell very well, if at all. I’d certainly never buy such a product. In the unlikely event that my fingers exhibited kitten-like creativity, I’d certainly want a record of what I came up with.

They sold me a small, hand-embellished carrying case for only six dollars. The modest container came with an inspirational, silkscreened, promise: “Help you up to more than you can be.” I’ve always wanted to be more than I can be, and, thanks to the Pod Post artists, I shall be!

My Pod Post stationery and document storage case was the best six-dollar investment since I bought my last oversized burrrito.

What I didn’t know was that the dirigible’s fabric was coated with both iron oxide and aluminum-impregnated cellulose acetate butyrate. It turns out that was a bad idea. Addison Bain said so succinctly, “I guess the moral of the story is, don’t paint your airship with rocket fuel.”

What I knew, but forgot, was that the Hindenburg was a Nazi airship; I came across an old file photograph showing huge swastikas painted on the tail fins. Too bad about all the civilian deaths, but what’s not to like about the destruction of a Nazi aircraft?

And, of course, no mention of the airship would be complete without the almost obligatory bad joke. What’s the difference between Larry King and the Hindenburg? One’s a Nazi gas bag; the other’s a German dirigible.