- 11 June 2007
- No. 4,425 (cartoon)
- Your love is like a sucking chest wound.
Good sucking or bad sucking?
- 12 June 2007
- Rolls of Honour Revisited
- I wonder if Suzanne Marie Butts is an artist? This is a serious question, with possible legal implications.
It seems Butts may be looking at spending three years in prison for stealing three rolls of toilet paper from a courthouse in Marshall County, Iowa. Nora, who told me about the story, suggested that Butts was plagiarizing my Rolls of Honour project.
Entirely different, I replied. I dont purloin toilet paper; I facilitate administration-free donations.
You really can justify any of your silly little scams, cant you? asked Nora.
Its one of my more useful little talents, I admitted.
- 13 June 2007
- Spermophiling Away Pure Knowledge
- A spermophile is a North American ground squirrel, and vice-versa. Apparently, the word is Latin for seed lover. My discovery represents pure knowledge, in that its completely useless. Since Im astonishingly lazy, I never use a three-syllable word when theres a two-syllable word available.
- 14 June 2007
- How to Photograph a Hairball
- Tell me, David, Iris requested, whats the secret of making a good hairball photograph?
Ive been passionate about photography for over a third of a century. During that time, I think Ive received more questions about how to photograph a hairball than all the other technical queries combined. And so, Ive decided to publish a brief tutorial, How to Photograph a Hairball.
The premise of photographing a hairball is the same approach familiar to every photojournalist: one-sixtieth at f5.6 and be there. When it comes to photographing hairballs, timing is everything. Even hairball experts find it difficult to differentiate between images of a day-old hairball and one plucked from Tutankhamens tomb.
Case Study, 14 June 2007
09:47: Heard Pito retching in the courtyard; grabbed Nikon with macro lens.
Lesson: Time spent looking for batteries or the right lens can mean missing a decisive hairball moment.
- 09:48: Found fresh, steaming hairball underneath the table; could almost hear the sounds of reverse peristalsis.
Lesson: Timing is everything.
- 09:49: Moved the table to provide direct sunlight, then made a series of bracketed exposures.
Lesson: Lighting is everything, too.
- In conclusion: one-sixtieth at f5.6 and be there.
- 15 June 2007
- Jean Cocteaus Amazing Day
- Its been almost six years since I cited Jean Cocteaus brilliant comment, Stupidity is always amazing, no matter how used to it you become. I dont like to repeat myself, but Cocteaus quote is just too brilliant to cite sparingly. And so, I have declared 15 June to be Jean Cocteaus Amazing Day.
Ive chosen to honor an empty-headed heiress for this first annual citation.
In the future, I plan on taking more of an active role in the decisions I make.
- 16 June 2007
- On Fatherly Advice
- Abram Bellow wasnt happy that his son Saul wanted to be a writer. He said, You write and then you erase. You call that a profession?! Saul was strong enough to ignore his fathers excellent advice.
Fortunately, I never had to decide whether or not to follow my late father Glenns admonitions, since he never gave me any. Glenn told me the only advice his father Albert gave him was, Dont get anyone pregnant.
Glenn ignored Alberts good fatherly advice, and here I am!
- 17 June 2007
- Argentina in Three Short Sentences
- Catherines back from Argentina; she provided a succinct report on Argentinean culture. Good thing: nonstop partying. Bad thing: nonstop partying. Mountains of meat everywhere.
I appreciated Catherines pithy summary. I doubt Ill ever see Argentina, so its nice to get a firm grasp of a foreign culture in three short sentences.
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©2007 David Glenn Rinehart