- 12 November 2007
- No. 1,013 (cartoon)
- What should I do?
- 13 November 2007
- My First Novel
- When it comes to artistic or literary contests, Ive always agreed with Bela Bartok, who observed, Competitions are for horses, not artists.
I try, with varying degrees of success and failure, not to be held hostage by my beliefs. And so, when the announcers on one of my favorite radio programs announced that they were organizing a novel-writing contest, I paid attention to the details.
The broadcasters said they were looking for novels less than thirteen words long, and that they would award no prizes. Thats when I decided to write my first novel; here it is.
Once upon a time they lived happily ever after. Except, perhaps, her.
- I plagiarized most of the novel, but wrote twenty-five percent of it all by myself.
- 14 November 2007
- Mailers Mark of Mediocrity
- Norman Mailer died a few days ago, and so Ive been listening to a number of interviews with the late author. I liked Mailers observation, The mark of mediocrity is to look for precedents. I wonder whether Mailer knew that there were many prior examples of that remark? Oh well, too late to ask him now.
- 15 November 2007
- Paper Bag Councils Seal of Approval
- After I returned home today, I happened to look at the bottom of my grocery bag and noticed that it bore the Paper Bag Councils Seal of Approval. The seal featured an image of a paper bag emblazoned with the words, Strength, Durability, Capacity along with a little bit of helpful advice: Lift With Both Handles.
Although its a handsome seal in a folk-art sort of way, I dont put much stock in it. Ive never had a problem with a paper bag, with or without the Paper Bag Councils Seal of Approval.
- 16 November 2007
- Crashing an Art Institute Party
- Doctor Swing and I swung by the San Francisco Art Institute tonight to catch an artists lecture. The talk was horrific; the presenter droned on in obtuse academicese while rarely changing the boring image on the screen behind her.
What now? I asked Dr. Swing after we escaped to the courtyard.
I read that theres supposed to be a reception for some Diego Rivera film here that costs ninety dollars, she replied. Lets crash it.
We looked at the institutions cafeteria, and this is what we saw: a huge bar of free drinks at the east end, an expansive smorgasbord at the west end, and no one screening people who walked through the door.
And so we walked into the party, and scarfed down a kilogram of seared yellowfin tuna and a bathtub full of really good wine before we stumbled out.
And thats when we ran into a gaggle of San Francisco Art Institute students watching the festivities through the cafeterias windows.
What are you doing out here? I asked a couple of sullen students sucking on cigarettes, theres great free party in there; crash it.
The kids looked at me blankly. Dang; they dont make art school kids like they used to. Or maybe they do.
When Doctor Swing and I left, we saw signs everywhere announcing that the Diego Rivera had been canceled. I suppose well never know whose party we crashed.
- 17 November 2007
- Damned Christmas Hillbillies!
- Dang; a gaggle of hillbillies have set up an enclave near my home at the fort. And thats fine; I wouldnt live in San Francisco if I didnt enjoy diversity.
The hillbillies have been good neighbors, for the most part. Ive enjoyed their formidable moonshine (which compares favorably with Thai whisky), and their Saturday car wash parties are an inimitable spectacle of soap suds and fields of ample flesh. But today, the hillbillies went too far.
The hillbillies mounted a couple of illuminated reindeer on their roof, a visual abomination that I cant ignore. And I have to give some credit to the hillbillies; they crafted their reindeer from over a hundred individual light bulbs. In other words, it would take me an hour to shoot our all the light bulbs with my rifle.
Dang hillbillies, I suppose Ill just have to drink enough of their moonshine until the eyesore goes away. By March, maybe.
- 18 November 2007
- Sheilas Favorite Color
- Sheila asked me what my favorite color was, so I told her.
As a chromophobe, I like grey because it embraces all and no colors, I explained.
My favorite color is aqua, Sheila replied.
Why is that? I asked.
Sheila fidgeted a bitand maybe blushedbefore she replied.
I can't spell turquoise, she admitted.
- 19 November 2007
- No Lesbian Sex with Aliens in Singapore
- Singapore enjoys fairly good press for a police state; I suppose thats because its governed by a regime thats more silly than brutal. Even the practice of caningspanking prisoners bare derrieres with a rattan canesounds more kinky than cruel, although Id probably change my mind if I were on the receiving end of such barbarity.
On further reflection, perhaps Singapores not kinky at all. Erstwhile censors there banned a video game because one scene hinted at a lesbian encounter between an earthling and a female from another planet. Thanks to this move by The Board of Film Censors, Singaporean lesbians will probably think less about romantic and/or sexual liaisons with women from outer space. And thats too bad, Im sure it would be in humanitys best interests to welcome extraterrestrial visitors with a kiss instead of a cane.
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©2007 David Glenn Rinehart