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- 5 March 2008
- No. 588 (cartoon)
- You never listen, so why talk with me?
I dont; I talk at you.
- 6 March 2008
- Freeze-Dried Sperm
- The difference between goodness and greatness often comes down to vision. And thats why Ryuzo Yanagimachi is a genius.
Heres Yanagimachis vision. My dream is to keep sperm at room temperature.
I suppose thats an unusual dream, but if Yanagimachi only entertained mundane fantasies, whod notice? Or care?
I think its a great idea. If Yanagimachis right, men will be, as the Brits would say, surplus to requirements. A planet of women is a great idea! But, as a lesbian, I would say that, wouldnt I?
- 7 March 2008
- Hitachi Global Storage Technologies versus Giant, Mutant, Radioactive Attack Spiders
- Hoo boy, another day, another broken computer thingie. In this case, its a dead Hitachi hard drive. Its still under warranty, so I filled out the necessary forms to get a replacement. And thats when I came to this section: Export Compliance Certification. Before those inscrutable Japanese peddlers would send me a replacement drive, I had to assent to this statement.
I agree that Hitachi Global Storage Technologies products will not be used for the design, development, manufacturing, testing, stockpiling, or use of biological, nuclear, missile or chemical weapons.
- Fortunately, it appears I can use Hitachi Global Storage Technologies products to create a new species of giant, mutant, radioactive attack spiders, so it looks like I should be back at work on my new project very soon. I wouldnt be surprised if the vicious arachnids head straight for Hitachi Global Storage Technologies legal staff soon after theyre released.
- 8 March 2008
- The Secret of Longevity
- I know the secret of longevity; its simple. If you want to live for a hundred years, just drink a can of Rainier Ale every day for a hundred years.
Why anyone would want to live that long, this I do not know. Thats why, on some days, I dont drink any Rainier Ale at all. After all, one cant be too cautious, especially with so much good, cheap wine around.
- 9 March 2008
- My Lost Hour
- Today is only twenty-three hours long; dang! The gazumbas who came up with this scheme promise to address this deficit by providing a twenty-five hour day in November. I hope I live long enough to retrieve my stolen hour.
I was going to spend an hour exercising today, but since I lost an hour, I guess I wont. After all, the nine hours I set aside for general rumination and sipping wine are sacrosanct.
- 10 March 2008
- The Attraction of Los Angeles Explained
- Ive never understood why so many intellectually challenged people live in Los Angeles. Until today, that is.
As Andrea astutely pointed out, LA is easy to spell.
- 11 March 2008
- Make Your Own Jargon Day
- Today is Make Your Own Jargon Day, and that makes me as chuffed as a herd of tuna in a mayonnaise forest. Im approaching the kerfuffle with the sonorous resolution of a balsa wood tuba; huzzaroo!
Im taking the marmot sieve approach to the frilly conundrum, that way the iridescent ice cubes of destiny wont melt on my frosty banana passions. I know how to eat a vertical sedentary pie in a hailstorm of flaccid lemon marshmallows, so my Hawaiian Himalayas approach just might be the sneaky coal shim that does the trick! In any case, its better to have tweaked the gazebo than to have never antagonized unsuitably aggressive invertebrates.
- 12 March 2008
- Klaras Fabulous Birthday
- Klara had a fantabulous birthday party, at least the parts I can remember. I shouldnt tell anyone her chronological age, so I wont. In any case, fifty is just a big, round number, albeit a number used to describe old people saddled with the downward spiral of decrapitude.
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©2008 David Glenn Rinehart