Stare.
 
2008 Notebook: Weak XVIII
 
   
gratuitous image
1 May 2008
No. 7,195 (cartoon)
I wanted to be in Rio.

I wanted to be in Paris.

Then why are we in Omaha?

2 May 2008
Faux Artists’ Saloon
I accepted Brian’s invitation to an artists’ saloon with some trepidation. A saloon is a saloon, and that’s as it should be. But then there are the artists, and their relentless chatter. It’s like A. D. Coleman noted, “How my colleagues have managed to go on and on about the stuff can only be explained by the demonstrable fact that many of my colleagues love to go on and on.”

It turns out that my apprehension was well-founded. The event wasn’t an artists’ saloon at all, it was an artists’ namby-pamby salon! Feh! The organizers didn’t even provide any sophisticated adult beverages, and everyone just prattled on forever and ever about balderdash and poppycock.

Double feh!

I should have known better than to turn up at an artists’ event.

3 May 2008
Here and There
Annette thanked me profusely for coming by her studio to fix her computer.

“I’m happy to help,” I replied. “And anyway, if I wasn’t here, I’d probably be somewhere else.”

Annette fixed me a drink and I fixed her computer, and that was that.

4 May 2008
Napless Imelda
Imelda called this afternoon to tell me that she was tired, so I gave her the obvious advice: take a nap.

“Are you kidding?” she asked. “I can’t take a nap at work!”

“That’s crazy,” I replied. “How do you get any work done without a restorative nap?!”

Imelda explained that her company forbids its employees to take naps, or even luxuriate in a long toilet break. When I expressed incredulity at such barbaric working conditions, she posed the rhetorical question, “Why do you think they call it work?”

That’s just ridiculous. No one should be allowed to graduate from kindergarten without learning the efficaciousness of napping.

5 May 2008
Inspired by Mush
Nora said she quite liked my new song, “You Can’t Always Want What You Get.” She added that it sounded somewhat familiar.

“That brigand Mick Jagger shamelessly plagiarized it, but at least his version sounds different than mine,” I explained. “My composition was inspired by popular music of the fifties.”

“Really?” Nora asked. “It doesn’t sound like anything from that period.”

“Exactly,” I replied. “I hate that milquetoast mush. That’s why I was inspired to create an aural onslaught that sounds like nothing from that unfortunate decade.”

6 May 2008
Why They Live There
Ah, another visit to Flint, Michigan, of all places. Little has changed in this depressed city, except that the Welcome to Flint sign now has a new slogan: “We live here so you don’t have to.”

I liked the change; it’s about the only positive development in Flint in the last decade or two.

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©2008 David Glenn Rinehart