- 9 July 2008
- No. 2,247 (cartoon)
- I feel like Im trapped in a prison.
You should know; you built it.
- 10 July 2008
- Inspirimotivation Activation
- Minnisha invited me to an evening of inspirimotivation activation, an event that involved sharing inspirational and motivational poetry. I politely declined, without admitting that Id prefer to have my toes chewed off by rabid porcupines.
There are many reasons Minnisha and I arent close friends, and her interest in inspirimotivation activation poetry is certainly one of them.
- 11 July 2008
- A Million Scoville Heat Units!
- I dont follow scientific developments very closely, since most new discoveries are too specific or esoteric to be of any relevance. But today is an exceptional day, thanks to scientists at New Mexico State University who discovered the hottest pepper in the world. Thats news I can use!
Bhut Jolokia, a pepper from Assam, India, packs over a million Scoville heat units. By contrast, the Red Savina pepper, which previously held the title, is rated at under six-hundred thousand SHUs.
Dr. Paul Bosland, Director of the Chili Pepper Institute at New Mexico State Universitys Department of Plant and Environmental Sciences, notes that Bhut Jolokia means ghost chili. I think that adds a certain mystique; who wouldnt want to sample a lethal pepper? I wonder where I can get one?
- 12 July 2008
- Big and Horsey
- Annalee invited me out to see her horse Shasta, so I did. We went to a hot, dusty field, and there was Shasta. Shasta looked bored, but I know almost nothing about horses. About the only time Im in close proximity with a horse is when Im feeding a friends dog.
Im afraid I dont understand your attraction to horses, I admitted. They just seem big and horsey.
Thats pretty much it, she agreed.
I know almost nothing about horses; my equine ignorance may be perpetual.
- 13 July 2008
- Like a Dog, Except
- Kiliaen disparaged Sid, opining that hes like a dog in every wayexcept the good ones. I diplomatically ignored his remark.
Kiliaens snide comment reminded me of Blaise Pascals observation, If all men knew what each said of the other, there would not be four friends in the world.
- 14 July 2008
- An Apostrophe Redefined?
- Gerrit, a scholar at the International Center for Linguistic and Semantic Inquiry, dropped by for a visit. Naturally, I asked him what was happening at his shop.
Everyones still debating the work of Carl Karcher, even though he died last January, Gerrit reported.
Sorry pal, I said, I know almost nothing about your fellow academics.
Thats the funny thing about this area of research, Gerrit explained, Karcher wasnt one of us, he was a hamburger guy.
A hamburger guy? I asked.
Yeah, Gerrit continued, he owned the Hardees chain and founded the Carls Jr. string of hamburger joints. He was also a rabid cretin, who spent a million dollars trying to have all homosexuals fired from public schools.
He went on to explain that he and his colleagues were intrigued and confounded by Karchers use of apostrophes. Hardees was a conventional usage, but no one knew what to make of Carls Jr. Carls Junior what? Or was it a conceptual breakthrough, an existential, nihilistic redefinition of a possessive?
Gerrit droned on about academic tedium until I threatened to start serving coffee instead of whisky. That did the trick, and he started recounting sordid details of all the tawdry affairs in his office. The stories were both cautionary and educational; I now know how to get guacamole stains out of felt draperies.
- 15 July 2008
- Alicias Misfortune in Advertising
- Alicia made a fortune in advertising, then spent it alland moreobeying advertisings capricious dictates. Whats worse, the irony was lost on her.
- 16 July 2008
- My Increasingly Better Past
- The stories from my misspent youth get better the older I get. Im not sure why this is; I suppose its a combination of having more difficulty in remember facts and getting better at embellishing trivia.
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©2008 David Glenn Rinehart