- 14 August 2008
- No. 261 (cartoon)
- Do you remember how much I loved you?
Thats how much I hate you now.
- 15 August 2008
- Life-size Skull?
- Dr. Lux phoned me, and reported that she bought a brass skull. When I asked her to describe it, she said, Id say its life-size, but I dont think thats the right word.
I dont know if thats the right word or not; the nuances of my native tongue continue to befuddle me. But, since Dr. Lux is the only licensed embalmer I know, I shall defer to her expertise when it comes to skulls and most other anatomical matters.
- 16 August 2008
- On Work and Love
- Predictably, Im related to lots of other Rineharts. I love my relatives; theyre all crazy. But since all people are crazy in their own way, thats not saying much. And that brings me to Mary Roberts Rinehart, no known relation of mine.
Mary Roberts Rinehart is perhaps most recognized as the mother of the cliché, the butler did it. And she also said this: A little work, a little sleep, a little love, and its all over.
That doesnt sound right to me; Id prefer a lot of work and a lot of love. And that brings me to Coco Chanel, certainly no relation, who posited, There is time for work. And time for love. That leaves no other time.
As much as I love such a simplistic bifurcation, I prefer something even simpler, combining work and love. Its worked so far!
- 17 August 2008
- Not a Place of Honor
- Nuclear power is problematical for a number of reasons, most of which are related to the fact that it requires perfect management to be safe. Sadly, human beings are responsible for keeping lethal radiation under control. And since humans are idiots, thats a problem.
And then theres nuclear waste, which is especially problematic in that its radioactive for millennia. Thats why the morons who are setting up a nuclear waste dump commissioned a study to come up with a warning for someone stumbling across our toxic garbage ten thousand years from now. Said nincompoops authored a tedious tome, Expert Judgment on Markers to Deter Inadvertent Human Intrusion into the [Nuclear] Waste Isolation Pilot Plan.
Heres the best part, the warning sign.
This place is not a place of honor.
No highly esteemed deed is commemorated here.
Nothing valued is here.
This place is a message and part of a system of messages.
Pay attention to it!
Sending this message was important to us.
We considered ourselves to be a powerful culture.
- What a hoot! I especially like the last line, We considered ourselves to be a powerful culture. It seems like a tacit admission that we really bollixed things up, which, of course, we have.
We cretins left a big, toxic mess for you. Pay attention to it!
- 18 August 2008
- Picking Relatives and Noses
- I like Dr. Gobel for myriad reasons, but mostly because shes innovative. When I repeated the conventional wisdom that one can pick ones nose, but not ones relatives, she corrected me. She pointed that shes had a number of suitors, but chose one to marry. She then proceeded to stick her finger up her fiancés nose, proving that she could not only pick her relative, but her soon-to-be relatives nose as well.
Now thats amore!
- 19 August 2008
- The Whisky Cure
- When I visited Dr. Stallings, she noted that I had a cold. Shes one of the most thoughtful people I know, and so she offered to make me a medicinal concoction to restore my health. She explained that her potion included tea, lemon juice, vitamins, tea, whisky, and ...
And thats when I interrupted her.
Whisky! I exclaimed. Brilliant! Of course!
I grabbed a bottle of Islay whisky from her liquor cabinet, and poured myself a large glass of peaty medication.
Dr. Stallings is one of the smartest people I know, so it was only reluctantly that I explained to her that whisky was the only active ingredient in her formula; the tea, lemons, and other distractions are just fluff and filler.
And now, thanks to her whisky, Im better! Or at least I feel like I am.
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©2008 David Glenn Rinehart