Stare.
 
2008 Notebook: Weak XXXVIII
 
   
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18 September 2008
No. 5,373 (cartoon)
Will you ever abandon me?

Of course not.

We’ve never been together.

19 September 2008
What’s Wrong With a Miniskirt?
It’s a mistake to depreciate foreign cultures, but it’s a mistake that sometimes cannot be resisted. And that’s certainly the case with Uganda, a country about which I know virtually nothing.

What little I do know is associated with Idi Amin, the syphilitic, brutal tyrant who terrorized and almost destroyed the country decades ago. He was an appalling murderer and torturer, but he occasionally had a certain lunatic appeal, such as when he challenged the British navy to a battle on Lake Victoria.

Fortunately, today’s Ugandan bureaucrats aren’t in the same criminal league as Amin, but they still manifest a certain lunatic charm. Take Nsaba Buturo’s war on miniskirts.

“What’s wrong with a miniskirt?” Uganda’s Minister for Ethics and Integrity asked. “You can cause an accident because some of our people are weak mentally.”

Buturo views miniskirts as a severe traffic hazard, and worse.

“These days you hardly know who is a mother from a daughter, they are all naked. If you find a naked person, you begin to concentrate on the makeup of that person and yet you are driving,” he said.

I’d think that Ugandan drivers would face greater distractions than miniskirt-clad women of all ages, but, having never been to Uganda, I really can’t say.

20 September 2008
A Legend in My Own Mind
As a legend in my own mind, I dislike being compared to other artists. And so, I was mildly irritated when Veronica compared my work to someone else’s.

“Upon closer examination,” I said, “I believe you’ll discover that the similarities in our work are quite different.”

Veronica didn’t argue, and that’s never a good sign.

21 September 2008
Love is Grand
Brandon’s in love with Anita, and is not hesitant to tell everyone. At great length, even.

“The five things I love about her are her beauty, her brilliance, her charm, and her empathy,” Brandon enthused.

“So what’s the fifth thing?” I asked.

“It’s her brilliance,” Brandon exclaimed.

“You already mentioned brilliance,” I pointed out.

“I did, but she’s so brilliant it counts twice,” Brandon enthused.

Ah, love is grand!

22 September 2008
Wasted Space
Everyone’s whinging about how little money they have. Looking around, I see huge amounts of unused and unappreciated material wealth. Since I’m embarrassingly ignorant about economics, I’ve never been able to even begin to explain why I feel this way. Fortunately, Buckminster Fuller had no such deficiency.

    Our beds are empty two-thirds of the time. Our living rooms are empty seven-eighths of the time. Our office buildings are empty one-half of the time. It’s time we gave this some thought.

It is indeed time we give this some thought, but I doubt anyone will. Fuller died over twenty-five years ago.

23 September 2008
Irish Breakfast Tea versus English Breakfast Tea
Julia was mulling over her beverage options; she asked me what differentiated Irish breakfast tea from English breakfast tea.

“I think you’ll find that there’s no whisky in English breakfast tea,” I advised.

Julia opted for the Irish breakfast tea. Three cups, and perhaps a fourth.

24 September 2008
Bob Dylan’s Missing Suitcase
Bob Dylan Née Robert Zimmerman talked about having “been in trouble since I set my suitcase down” in his recently released song, “Mississippi.” Dylan’s one of the wealthiest people on the planet; I’d wager he hasn’t touched a suitcase in decades. Perhaps he’s telling the truth; one could argue that he really has been in trouble since he set his suitcase down.

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©2008 David Glenn Rinehart