- 23 July 2009
- No. 2,646 (cartoon)
- You never say, I love you.
Loves easier done than said.
- 24 July 2009
- The Information Age
- A few weeks ago, I wrote about the virtual absence of journalists. For some reason, I was surprised by the obvious corollary: the virtual absence of photojournalists.
Today, the San Francisco newspaper published an article on contemporary Hawaii, featuring faded, mediocre photographs providedfor free, of courseby the Hawaii Tourism Authority as well as the Big Island Visitors Bureau. The formerly adequate periodical may or may not have paid a pittance for a few trite images from Shutterstock, a cheap photo library.
As Harry Shearer wisely observed, Nobody knows anything; its the information age.
- 25 July 2009
- Again, Only Slower
- Evelyns back from a traumatic and final visit with her grandmother.
Evelyn was by her grandmothers side when she died a few months before her hundredth birthday. The death wasnt untimely or upsetting, but her last words were.
Id kill em all again, her grandmother said on her deathbed.
Kill em all again?! Evelyn asked.
Kill em all again, only slower.
Those were the last words she ever said, but Evelyn wishes they werent.
Kill em all again?!
- 26 July 2009
- Really, Really Cheap
- Huberts one of the few people Ive met who disagreed with my description of myself as cheap.
Youre just a shrewd shopper, Hubert explained, but my parents are cheap, really cheap.
I took the bait.
How cheap? I asked.
When my parents go on holiday, he explained, they turn off their telephone answering machine to save electricity.
Wow; what an inspiration!
- 27 July 2009
- Bad Dog!
- Toni has a bad dog; she told me so herself. Today, for example, she caught her mutt eating used tampons. Its not the first time her mongrels done this, and it probably wont be the last time, either.
Theyll be coming out one end or the other tomorrow, she predicted resignedly.
I tried to cheer her up by telling her about Fifi, whos in the running for the title of Bad Dog of the Year. Heres why.
A while back, an anonymous friend called to report, Fifi ate my mother.
Fifi what?! I asked.
It seems that Fifi managed to break the urn containing my friends mothers cremated remains, and was cheerfully eating them when she was caught. Now thats a bad dog!
Despite my uplifting tale, Tonis still upset with her tampon-chomping dog. I dont blame her; I cant understand why anyone would voluntarily choose to live with a canine.
- 28 July 2009
- Outlawing Centaurs and Mermaids
- Julys been a great month for stupidity, thanks in no small part to Sam Brownback, an American senator from the primitive state of Kansas. Brownback is the author of the Human-Animal Hybrid Prohibition Act of 2009.
Creating human-animal hybrids, which permanently alter the genetic makeup of an organism, will challenge the very definition of what it means to be human and is a violation of human dignity and a grave injustice, the reactionary politician explained.
Brownbacks proposed legislation is bad news for centaur lovers. I know several women who love men and horses equally; who is anyone else to say that conceiving a centaur is wrong?
And let us not forget mermaids. Ive spent lonely days at sea, and know that manateesor sea cowsare entirely unsatisfactory sirens. No, when it comes to mermaids, only the real thing will do. (Kansas is a thousand miles from the ocean, so I guess Brownbacks ignoring the maritime demographic.)
I wonder if Brownbacks trying to stem the alarming trend of deëvolution? Having been to Kansas, I fear its too late.
- 29 July 2009
- Sixteen Popcorn Kernels, Popped
- Ive always enjoyed popcorn as a buttery, salty, greasy treat, but have avoided it in recent decades for exactly those artery-clogging reasons. But things changed when I met Hilary, who shared her secret recipe for preparing healthyand quite tasty!popcorn. (Id repeat her secret formula, except that would render it an unsecret recipe.)
When, after years of anticipation, I finally got around to photographing Sixteen Popcorn Kernels, Popped, I was surprised by the results. I was expecting puffy, cottony images, but ended up with something completely different. That failure of visual predictability makes the project an aesthetic success, at least for me.
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©2009 David Glenn Rinehart