- 7 August 2009
- No. 2,300 (cartoon)
- I never really loved you.
I never really loved you either.
Were a good match.
- 8 August 2009
- Doubling Dumplings and Half a Burrito
- Dr. Kennedy told me she recently went to a Russian Old Believers wedding. I wonder how she got invited, since shes not a Russian and shes not old. Perhaps shes a believer; I never query my friends about such things.
Anyway, she said she was at the wedding dinner when a Russian Old Believer came by her table to serve her dinner: a beautiful, cheese-covered dumpling.
Thank you, she replied in Russian.
This simple courtesy confounded the dumpling server, since Dr. Kennedys demeanor and appearance made it clear that she was not a Russian Old Believer. After realizing the stranger could speak Russian, the dumpling woman decided that Dr. Kennedy deserved a second dumpling, and gave her one.
It pays to speak the local language.
Some time ago, I was at an unfamiliar taqueria here in San Francisco. The person in line ahead of me placed his order, then chatted in Spanish with the burrito maker as he concocted a large cylinder of burrito joy.
Impressed, I ordered the same item off the menu. The same worker made my burrito about half of the size as the other hombres. I suppose thats what I get for being a person of noncolor who cant speak Spanish.
- 9 August 2009
- Cheap Drunk Attack
- Willy told me he was cycling along the San Francisco docks when some idiot decided to impress his inebriated mates by hurling a beer can at him as he sped by. Fortunately, the can was empty and sailed away in the breeze.
Dont be such a cheap fucktard! he yelled as he rode by the gang again. If youre going to throw a can of beer, dont drink it all first!
Willys a speedy cyclist; he said it was easy to outrun the fat, stupid drunk chasing him.
I disagreed with his assessment of his inept assailant. At least the tosser was smart enough to know that beer is for drinking, not hurling.
- 10 August 2009
- Not Really Suicidal
- Fiona said she was so depressed that she was feeling almost suicidal. Love really is a many-splendored thing!
I was concerned, but wasnt worried that shed kill herself. No one who has told me they were thinking of ending their life has done so. Conversely, none of the suicides Ive known have announced their intentions; they just did it. Michael went for a walk in the woods and blew his head off with a shotgun, Buzz quietly hanged himself, that sort of thing.
I talked with Fiona for a couple of hours; she convinced me that she wasnt really suicidal. She explained that, since she was a Buddhist, she understood that committing suicide was a short-term solution to a long-term situation.
- 11 August 2009
- Worth Causes
- Dr. Roberts is a versatile guy, so it follows that hes select a polytropic name for his do-gooder nonprofit organization: Worthy Causes.
I volunteered to provide propaganda services for his endeavor, and he foolishly accepted. I used the word foolishly for a very good reason: Im not very competent when it comes to competence.
He looked at the Internet site I made for him, and made a gentle, helpful bit of constructive criticism.
Looks great, David, Dr. Roberts said, but theres just one little thing. The name of the organization is Worthy Causes, not Worth Causes.
To make matters worse, I tried to convince him to change the name of his association.
Worth Causes! I exclaimed, What a brilliant concept! Worth causes what? What doesnt worth cause? And what is worth, anyway?
My arguments were in vain. He insisted that I correct my typographical error, so I did.
Worth causes headaches.
- 12 August 2009
- Not Thinking the Whole Process Through
- Minnishas pregnant. That sort of thing happens all the time, of course, but Minnishas pregnancy is somewhat atypical since shes never had sex with a man. Thats barely worth mentioning, since artificial insemination may be almost as popular as the traditional flavor.
Despite consummate planning, Minnishas a bit uncomfortable about her situation after learning that shell be giving birth to herand Annaleesson in a few months.
Theres something with a penis inside of me, Minnisha said. I guess I really didnt think this whole process through.
I wonder what percentage of pregnancies have been thoroughly considered and evaluated in advance? Id guess that the answer is somewhere within spitting distance of absolute zero, which may or may not explain why the planet is overpopulated by several billion homo sapiens.