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- 26 November 2002
- No. 178 (cartoon)
- Wittgenstein had the answer.
What’s the question? “The solution of the problem of life is seen in the disappearance of this problem.” 
- 27 November 2002
- Jimi Hendrix’s Sixtieth Birthday Memorial Wake
- Adrianna informed me that Jimi Hendrix would have been sixty years old today if he wasn’t dead. Adrianna then suggested that we should celebrate by following Jimi’s wishes. “When I die I want people to just play my music, go wild, and freak out, and do anything they want to do.”
I agreed that we should take good advice, so we played Jimi’s music, went wild, freaked out, and did anything we wanted to do. Well into the night, I reread the Hendrix quote and pointed out to Adrianna that we were supposed to have done this decades ago when Jimi died. “I wasn’t alive then,” she replied. “What’s your excuse?” As usual, I had no excuse.
- 28 November 2002
- Emily’s Ambitious Pie
- Emily baked a spectacular pumpkin pie. Instead of using a can of jellied pumpkin, Emily cut up a real pumpkin, and added raspberries, saffron, mildly hallucinogenic peppers, and the seven secret ingredients.
“This is great,” I told Emily, “but why did you go to so much trouble when most people would have been happy with a generic pumpkin pie?” “It’s kind of like having sex with a chicken,” Emily replied. “It doesn’t seem that bad when you’re engaged, but it’s really embarrassing when someone finds out that you’re doing it.” I didn’t know how to respond, so I changed the subject.
- 29 November 2002
- The Shakespeare Probability Hoax
- I had drinks today with Priscilla, a brilliant computer scientist. She told me something I should have known, but didn’t.
“It’s easy to find information about the unknown,” Priscilla explained. “The unknown is almost infinite. It’s a lot harder to examine the known, which is quite finite.” I responded with a confused expression. “Take Shakespeare, for example,” she continued. “He allegedly said all sorts of clever things. But try finding something specific, such as, ‘His tongue was a savage beast, striking fear into the pitiful creatures it encountered.’” “Did Shakespeare really say that?” I asked. “Look it up,” Priscilla replied. I suppose I should have called her bluff, but I really don’t care about Shakespeare or computer science.
- 30 November 2002
- Old Cornucopia Vision
- I had a few drinks of Old Cornucopia this afternoon as I stared at the setting sun. That’s when I had my vision.
In the future, everyone will be anonymous for fifteen minutes. That’s my vision, and I’m sticking to it.
- 1 December 2002
- The Value of EarPainGain
- My learned colleague Jason and I were discussing the merits of various sound editing software packages this afternoon. I asked him about EarPainGain, the expensive audio software suite many of my friends use for their compositions.
“If you can steal it,” Jason sniffed, “then I suppose it’s money well spent.” “Inscrutable advice provides worthless insight,” I replied. “I suppose so,” Jason said. “Anyway, EarPainGain would be lost on you, and vice-versa.”
- 2 December 2002
- Who You Will Become
- I read an interesting essay on the plane, something about involuntary will. The author closed with a severe admonishment: “Be careful who you try to appear to be, for that is who you will become.”
Unfortunately, I lost the article I ripped from a magazine, so I’m even more factless then usual. But that’s never stopped me before, and a small reality deficit won’t stop me from repeating a cautionary tale. Once upon a time, Pauline envied the brilliant misanthrope Elva. Pauline imitated Elva’s disdain for humanity, and succeeded to a small degree. Today, Pauline’s a true misanthrope too, but she’s very, very far from brilliance. Clichés don’t get much better than that!
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©2002 David Glenn Rinehart
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