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- 13 August 2006
- No. 2,507 (cartoon)
- I feel like nothing compared to you.
Don’t flatter yourself. 
- 14 August 2006
- Sophisticated Corporate Urination Chamber
- As generations of toilet engineers have noted over the centuries, a stream of urine splatters when it hits a flat surface. That’s just basic physics. So far, scientists and inventors have been unable to design a urinal that captures every drop of urine. As a result, the floors near urinals are covered with a film of stinky and corrosive micturation.
Bathroom technicians at the Hilton Hotel on Grant Avenue came up with a new approach to dealing with the age-old problem: they distributed small, white carpet mats beneath each of the public urinals. As a result, the Hilton’s lavatories now feature urine-soaked rugs as well as smelly tile. Very sophisticated indeed!
- 15 August 2006
- Former Lover Unportrait
- Today, I enjoyed a lovely visit with a former lover. After going on an eight-hour walk, punctuated by a couple of meals, we went through a box of her things she’d stored in my studio.
When she found a framed portrait a friend made of her, she decided to discard the frame and take the photograph back to Europe. And so it is that I have an empty frame, a readymade unportrait of someone who’s on the wrong side of the ocean.
- 16 August 2006
- My New Favorite Film
- For decades, I’ve always considered David Lynch’s Eraserhead to be my favorite film. That’s because I always thought of it as a work of art, whereas almost every other fine film tasted like entertainment.
Today, though, I have a new favorite movie, Snakes on a Plane. I haven’t seen it, and have no plans to ever view what reportedly is a mediocre piece. That’s the genius of the work: the entire film is in the title; it’s a beautifully executed work of conceptual art.
- 17 August 2006
- Not Writing With My Ear
- I like John Updike’s work; I wish I could write a piece longer than two pages. I suppose it’s not much of a wish, in that I’ve never even tried to write anything of substance.
And so it was that I was struck by Updike’s observation, “You write with your ear, as well as with your eye.” I decided to try writing with my ear; here’s what I came up with. cvtn n fb v vb x The experiment didn’t work very well; I inadvertently pressed keyboard combinations with my ear that shut down my computer. Perhaps Updike has pointy ears? Or maybe he still uses a typewriter. As for writing with my eye; I’ll save that trial for another day.
- 18 August 2006
- Cooking With Wine
- Gabriel, a guest at the dinner party I hosted tonight, asked me if I cooked with wine.
“I usually do,” I replied, “sometimes I even add it to the food.” I’m glad Gabriel’s too young to know a W. C. Fields joke when he hears one.
- 19 August 2006
- Cat Urination Sculptures
- Willy never got around to marketing his invention, Heavy Shitter Kitty Litter. That may or may not be because of competition from TechnoLitter, “Highly-Technical Kitty Litter.”
I discovered TechnoLitter when I was taking care of Fiona’s cat, Frederik. The “feline hygiene product” is formulated to absorb liquids—cat urine, for example—into a clump that can be easily removed from the litter box. I was impressed with the graceful curves and organic shapes I discovered when cleaning the cat box; they looked like grainy maquettes for new Henry Moore sculptures. Fiona works with ceramics; I shall ask her if the objects may be coated with glaze and fired in one of her kilns.
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©2006 David Glenn Rinehart
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