Because I loathe you?

“If you call yourself an artist, mister,” she added, “then by God you’d better be able to draw.”

I can draw, but not very fast. That’s because I generally carry my Glock hidden inside my jacket rather than in a holster. For that and many other reasons, I shall avoid a showdown with Cecilia Rhodes of Truth or Consequences, New Mexico.

“Choose a job you love,” I advised, “and you will never have to work a day in your life.”

“Don’t give me that Confucius crap,” Randall replied sullenly.

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

It turns out that the job-you-love quote came from Confucius, not the “some junkie” source from whom I stole the line.

I really must be more careful about the people I plagiarize. It’s a sad day indeed when one can’t steal from a junkie.

“Take the spider by the tail and looks facts in the eye,” I suggested.

“I’m so messed up that almost makes sense,” Rebecca replied sadly.

Rebecca really is all messed up.

Nietzsche never said that, of course. But since that’s a better line than Nietzsche ever came up with, I graciously accepted Sheila’s demurral.

I wonder who’ll help me spread the beastly pumpkin disease?

“Insane or genius?” Marcus replied. “I suppose it’s a matter of whether or not one succeeds.”

Who could argue with that?