Stare.
 
2004 Notebook: Weak XXXIII
 
   
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14 August 2004
No. 3,001 (cartoon)
I’ll never change.

You’ll never grow.

15 August 2004
My First Wake, Delayed
A year ago, I talked about planning my first wake. I just glanced at my calendar, and see I scheduled it for today. I don’t remember setting a date, but apparently I did. I don’t have anything approaching the amount of food and wine I’d need for a good wake, but, since I haven’t invited anyone, that’s not a problem.

Although I really like the idea of having a wake while I’m still alive to enjoy it, I’m beginning to understand why most people wait until after they’re deceased for such an event. Wakes are much less work to organize if you’re dead.

16 August 2004
Ambiguity with Amy
“You seem to have an ambiguous relationship with Amy,” Kevin observed after Amy left.

“It may appear that way to you,” I replied. “In fact, Amy and I are very close, and our relationship is clearly undefined. A lack of presuppositions makes real intimacy possible.”

Kevin didn’t understand.

17 August 2004
Unpopular Music
I’m afraid things have not been going well with my new music software. Since I was stuck, I decided to take the unusual approach of reading the manual. I discovered what the problem was when I read the first page of instructions.

    Most popular music today is based on repeating rhythmic patterns (sometimes called grooves or riffs), especially in the drum and bass parts.

Damnation, that explains everything! I abhor popular music; it’s no wonder that everything I’ve done with this software sounds like pabulum regurgitated. It looks like I’m going to have to do some hard work; I suspect there’s no simple computer program for making unpopular music.

18 August 2004
Eroica is Erotica
Robert Linder sent me an email with the subject line, “Eroica/Erotica or the dumbing of America.”

Linder began by quoting a remark I made when I wrote about three scantily-clad musicians: “I only know two things about the word is Eroica: it’s the name of Beethoven’s third symphony, and it’s a misspelling of erotica.” Then he set the record straight.

    No, no no! Eroica is not a misspelling of erotica. Eroica (heroic) was the subtitle Beethoven gave to his third symphony to honor Napoleon. It has nothing at all to do with sex. Yikes!

Linder may be historically correct, but that was then and this is now. When it comes to contemporary commerce, everything is about sex. For reasons that have nothing to do with Beethoven or Napoleon, eroica has become erotica. Just ask the women in the Erotica, er, Eroica trio.

19 August 2004
dba God’s Messenger
I was walking down the street when a woman at a bus stop waved to me and asked me what kind of headphones I was using. I told her the brand name, but she demanded to know the exact model number.

As she wrote down all the pertinent information, she explained that she was going to make some recordings, and that these headphones—and only this exact model—would allow her to realize her dreams. She went on to ask me the relative merits of Los Angeles versus San Diego recording studios.

I lied, and said I was late for an appointment. As I walked away, she thanked me again and added, “God sent you to me.” God and I like the same headphones, how about that?

I think she was lonely or crazy, it’s a fine line.

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©2004 David Glenn Rinehart