Die.

“I abhor the contraction blog,” I replied, “and I certainly don’t publish a diary. I have a notebook, nothing more, nothing less.”

“I didn’t say that,” Sharon said, “I meant I didn’t read your insipid diarrhea of the mouth!”

“That sounds reasonable,” I agreed.

“You mean he died and didn’t fall over?” I asked.

“Exactly,” she replied.

“How is that possible?” I wondered aloud.

“I’m trying to find out myself,” Dr. Pupahrdhi said.

Wow! He was a curmudgeon’s curmudgeon!

“I know exactly what happened,” I explained, “you searched the Internet, no?”

“Of course,” Joyce replied, sounding slightly more annoyed than usual.

“The Internet has been largely colonized by transnational corporate monopolies that have marginalized independent people like myself,” I explained.

“I hear you saying you were lying about having your work online,” Joyce concluded.

“Not at all,” I protested, “you may find my work on the Hinternet. Look it up.”

I wonder if there really is a(n) Hinternet?

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Back at the lab after picking up some Rainier Ale, I whinged to Luis about the miserable event. When Luis suggested I was complaining too much, I had a rare moment of analytical clarity. I pointed out that tonight’s event had failed to satisfy any of the four reasons one might go to an art opening.

1. Socializing,
2. Drinking,
3. Eating, and, let us not forget,
4. Art.

Luis informed me that a number of well-intentioned people are trying to declare the first day of December to be “a day without art.” Apparently the folks who organized tonight’s event are among them, alas.

Oops; big mistake.

Ever since then, I keep getting silly press releases, such as this one:

Dears!

We lite to point out a newly origineled internet domain concerning one of the big personalities of the modern art to the mid 20th century and dedicated to the Photographer, Painter and Mystic Man Frantisek Drtikol, this domain of all exhibited and written works here is for sale

On the page you can find detailed information of his life and above all a presentation of alesser collection of his work. This collection is for the sale right now, because in wiev of the fad most of his work is already at the institution’s collection’s or private collectors, we suppose to be an extraordinary offer and that his work is appeared rather seldom and only in items. We also supposed that this complex offer is an exceptional opportunity at the fair with the art to be completed yours collection about the european important author.