- 12 February 2005
- No. 6,573 (cartoon)
- You have no idea.
Thats better than the wrong idea.
- 13 February 2005
- Agnes Drimes Legacy
- Agnes Drimes was, by most accounts, a visionary woman for her time. And now, shes dead.
With the benefit of historical perspective, her surviving contemporaries have identified her lasting influence on contemporary culture. According to most recent articles by her peers, Drimes is now regarded as misguided, irrelevant, and annoyingly quaint.
Theres a moral to this story, of course, and the moral is this: never trust ones peers.
- 14 February 2005
- Another Artificial Hollowday
- Its Valentines day, one of those artificial holidays created by a consortium of corporations peddling greeting cards, sedatives, chocolate, razor blades, that sort of thing.
And speaking of unrealistic hope and misery, Violet confided that shes attracted to Willem.
Does he know? I asked.
He damn well should, Violet replied.
Why dont you tell him? I suggested. Better yet, why not pounce on him?
I never saw no egg chase a sperm, Violet sniffed dismissively.
Love is in the air, but its mostly artificial.
- 15 February 2005
- False Drug Holiday
- A friend from Angel Falls, Georgia, flew into town today on his private jet, then picked me up at my lab in a hired limousine. I thought it was a silly way to get around town, but he didnt ask my opinion about transportation. Since I spend much of my time in San Francisco, he did, however, ask for directions.
Where do we go to get drug stuff? he asked.
I hope youre not feeling ill? I replied.
Nah, he said. Im looking for a nice bong, and maybe a little hash pipe.
Um, arent you little old for that sort of thing? I tactfully suggested. I mean, did you lose the paraphernalia you had in high school?
I went to business school, not high school, he said disdainfully.
I took him to a seedy shop on Market Street, where we had to walk through a throng of destitute, drugged, and drunk people in order to get into the store.
He ended up spending over a hundred dollars on silly, drug-related nonsense. And then we waded back through the the pitiful, lost people and hopped into the waiting limousine.
I said goodbye when we arrived at his hotel after I lied about a fictitious appointment.
Im embarrassed that I wasnt honest enough to tell him that drugs and money bore me.
- 16 February 2005
- Interactive Urinals, Finally
- Through a strange twist of circumstances, Ive been eating lunch at a ridiculously expensive Chinese restaurant, courtesy of a dear and wealthy friend. For me, the highlight of this purportedly gastronomic foray is the toilet, notably the urinals. For reasons known only to the inscrutable proprietors, the urinals are filled with ice cubes. Soddenly, urination is fun anddare I say itinteractive. I urinate, the ice melts, and thats art!
Im thinking of San Franciscos Exploratorium, where I had a disappointing toilet experience. It seems very sad that a Chinese restaurant has more aesthetically pleasing urinals that a temple of high technology. On the other hand, I suppose thats the beauty of San Francisco, where aesthetic innovations arent institutionalized.
- 17 February 2005
- Waynes Dubious Advice
- Wayne Brill, my late photography teacher, gave me lots of advice on photography when I was a teenager.
If youre stuck, he counseled, buy a new lens. If youre still stuck, get a new camera.
I thought of Wayne as I was organizing and cleaning twenty-some cameras for sale. Wayne was a great man and a good teacher, but his advice on getting lots of hardware didnt serve me well. (In fairness, I should point out that he gave me a perfect lesson on how to use a view camera.)
Im looking forward to having just two cameras again. (The second ones there in case the first one breaks.)
- 18 February 2005
- Beasts, Breasts, and Barristers
- Many years ago I worked with a nonprofit organization working on interspecies communication. I heard some incredible stories, none of which Ill repeat. After the mayonnaise and cucumber incident, suffice it to say that I wasnt surprised when I came across a bizarre story in the morning news.
Two former employees of the Gorilla Foundation, home to Koko the talking ape, have filed a lawsuit contending that they were ordered to bond with the 33-year-old female simian by displaying their breasts.
- Nancy Alperin and Kendra Keller both gave the same reason that they were fired: I refused to expose my breast to perform acts of bestiality with one of the gorillas.
Thirty-some years behind bars can do strange things to a primate, so Im reserving judgment until I hear Kokos side of the story.
- 19 February 2005
- Automated Mummification
- A dominatrix friend of mine informs me that her customers will pay her five hundred dollars to tightly encase them in plastic film, then abuse them. (Im not sure if abuse is the right word; Im unfamiliar with masochism and sadism.) It looks like her job, like so many others, may be replaced to some degree by automation.
The Olympiana Washington newspaperreports that Judy Arnold, a local coroner, is buying a new machine. The device automatically wraps human bodies in plastic cocoons, allowing emergency workers to efficiently deal with a major disaster. Just the thing for an anthrax attack, I suppose.
My dominatrix friend isnt worried about the competition, though. The masses will always choose soulless mass production, but theres always a select audience that appreciates art and craft.
last weak |
©2005 David Glenn Rinehart