- 20 August 2007
- No. 8,888 (cartoon)
- How can you be so reprehensible?
Do I need to show you again?
- 21 August 2007
- Saliva Chicken
- Chinese officials preparing for the 2008 Olympics face a number of challenges, including language. Specifically, theyre patrolling restaurant menus looking for atrocious translation mistakes. A British journalist joined them and discovered saliva chicken.
With taintedand sometimes poisonousChinese foodstuffs in the news these days, the reporter feared the worst. Me too. Ive never seen a chicken spit or drool, so wheres the saliva coming from?
Fortunately, the answer is not the obvious one: slobbering chef. No, the saliva is, in theory, provided by the customer who finds the kou sui gee to be mouthwatering good. And so, by the time all the tourists arrive in a year, I suspect saliva chicken will be a thing of the past.
Thats too bad; a poorly-translated menu makes foods from other cultures taste more authentic. For example, a local burrito dealer offers these menu options in both Spanish and English.
Chorizo (Mexican Sauce)
Mexican Sauce should, of course, be Mexican Sausage. And I wonder if anyone ever ordered a guts burrito? Even a tripe burrito sounds infinitely preferable. With all of the cross-cultutural pollination that makes San Francisco such a wonderful place to live, I wouldnt be surprised to see a saliva chicken burrito on offer sooner than later.
- 22 August 2007
- On Washing Dishes
- I cooked a very nice dinner for Toni at the apartment where Im housesitting; we enjoyed a lovely chat as we consumed a mountain of pesto pasta. The conversation continued while I washed the dishes, a practice that baffled Toni.
Why dont you use the dishwasher? she asked.
I was too embarrassed to admit that I didnt know how to program an automatic dishwasher, so I didnt. Instead, I presented a different explanation.
Look at these dishes, I told Toni as I pointed to a drying rack full of glistening porcelain and silver, not a molecule of food, not an atom of soap film. A machine just cant do that.
Of course, modern dishwashing machines do a fine job, but Im not about to admit it. If everyone knew that mechanical dishwashers work well, I fear many fewer people would appreciate my modest skill.
- 23 August 2007
- Unfamiliar With My Work
- Cheris back from the east coast with tales to tell, and one of them involves us. When Cheri met my friend Mark in Boston for the first time, she was confused by his description of me as funny. (Thats ha-ha-ha funny, not necessarily weird funny.) She said that although I told lots of bad jokes, she never thought of me as particularly humorous.
It turns out that Cheri really wasnt aware of my purportedly creative output, and was pleasantly surprised to discover my writing, photographs, cartoons, et cetera.
I found this development quite cheerful. Cheri and I have been supportive friends for years. Despite our closeness, I always suspected that one of the reasons she tolerated my quirks and excesses was that she liked my work. And thus, I was delighted to learn that she appreciates me for who I am, not for what I do.
Now that I think about it, I rarely hear any of my friends comment favorably on my work. Maybe most of my friends actually do like me. I suppose I could ask, but dont think I will since I might not want to hear some of the answers.
- 24 August 2007
- Good Egregious and/or Bad Egregious?
- Anastasia read my little piece on Oklahomans, then asked if I meant good egregious or bad egregious when I wrote, I suppose theyre based on some of the most egregious examples.
I didnt understand the question, so Anastasia explained that, once upon a time, egregious meant exemplary, whereas now it means shockingly bad.
Unfortunately, Anastasias clear definitions only confused me. I just reread what I wrote about the Oklahomans, and cant decide whether I meant good egregious and/or bad egregious.
- 25 August 2007
- Doing Good Thinks
- Luiza wrote, I also believe that if I do good thinks I always will get back good thinks.
English is not Luizas first language; she may or may not have meant to say things instead of thinks. Since Luizas smart, Id wager she meant thinks. In any case, Im going to follow her fine example and do good thinks.
- 26 August 2007
- The International Year of Sanitation
- I read that almost one out of every three humans doesnt have access to a proper toilet. (As a stinky aside, quite a few of these people live in San Francisco, where there arent enough public toilets for the citys sizable homeless population.)
Having identified the severity of the problem, officials at the United Nations have declared that next year will be the International Year of Sanitation. Perhaps San Francisco public health officials will join in the celebration and provide more toilets; perhaps they wont. On a more modest level, I just hope that the International Year of Sanitation is more effective than the annual World Toilet Expo and Public Toilet Fora.
- 27 August 2007
- It all started with Pearl Harbor. She and her ensemble, The Explosions, were on tour in Japan when she spotted a stereotypical Japanese family walking down the street. The younger of the two children, who was perhaps five, wore a t-shirt bearing the phrase, in English, Eat My Fuck. Im sure that no one in the family had any idea what the shirt said, just as I dont know what the Japanese characters on one of my pieces of clothing mean.
I thought Fuckeaters was a great name for a musical group, so I recruited three talented friends and formed a band for my art project of the month. I then went into my ersatz recording studio and recorded several songs by myself. And, since one cant have a music group without an Internet site, I published the alleged music, you may find it at fuckeaters.com.
It must be art, Gabriel commented, because its certainly not music.
Im not sure what he meant, so I decided to take that as a compliment.
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©2007 David Glenn Rinehart