- 24 September 2007
- No. 1,697 (cartoon)
- Youre a has-been.
Youre a never-were.
- 25 September 2007
- Petty Theft, Petty Objection
- Mabel, Helenas mother, wrote to me to complain that I stole a line in my story about the breast-feeding fatwa from Will Rogers.
It was he that first said, some people are for it, some people are against it, and I tend to agree, Mabel generously informed me, adding and Im old enough to know.
I thanked Mabel for her grievance, and explained that since Will Rogers wasnt bothered by my petty theft, I wasnt either.
- 26 September 2007
- Leica Cameras Hidden in Her Hair
- I just listed to Brian Peter George St. John le Baptiste de la Salle Enos song, Burning Airlines Give You So Much More, for the first time in years. I clearly remembered a line, Maybe she will do a bit of spying, with Leica cameras hidden in her hair, but clearly I was wrong. In fact, she had micro cameras hidden in her hair. I liked my version with Leica cameras much better. I think Ill never listen to a recording of Burning Airlines Give You So Much More again in order to keep my version of the song intact in my mind.
- 27 September 2007
- The Ultimate in Pain Relief
- United States Food and Drug Administration investigators are looking into the deaths of four patients who used Fentora, a powerful painkiller. The drugs active ingredient is fentanyl, a chemical much stronger than morphine.
I dont see what all the hubbubs about. Someone takes one of the strongest painkillers available, then enjoys permanent pain relief. Whats the problem?
After a bit of additional research, I discovered that one of the patients committed suicide by taking Fentora. And thats the problem: government bureaucrats frown on self-administered euthanasia.
- 28 September 2007
- Pivos Progress
- Im housesitting for Dr. Raedeke, and enjoying a predictably great time. Sadly, his old cat Odie left this world since the last time I was a caretaker here, and now Pivoa hyperactive younger catis running maniacally amok.
Odie had many laudable virtues, but his urinary aim wasnt one of them. Thats why Dr. Raedeke used a large darkroom developing tray as a cat box. Now that Odies gone, Dr. Raedekes replaced the large tray with a smaller cat box. Nevertheless, things still arent right in the department of kitty urination and defecation.
When I moved in to take care of the cats, I was surprised to find rolls of toilet on the bathroom sink counter but none in the wall-mounted roll holder. I thought this arrangement was rather curious, since Dr. Raedekes relentlessly tidy. I mounted the toilet paper in the bathroom wall above the cat box, and didnt think anything of it.
It wasnt long until Pivo showed me why the toilet paper was stored on the countertop. The mischievous kitty cleverly managed to unroll all the toilet paper into his litter box, where he tore and shredded the mass of tissue into a pleasing arrangement. I gave the clever cat an extra portion of salmon for dinner; kitty creativity should be rewarded.
- 29 September 2007
- Caveman and Drunken Hunter
- I love to spot great news headlines, so I was delighted to find, Man Beheads Tame Hotel Duck.
It seems that Scott D. Clark, who was staying at a hotel in St. Paul, Minnesota, was famished late one night. Clark spotted a tame duck swimming in a tiny pond in the lobby of the Embassy Suites Hotel, and did what any ravenous caveman would do: he ripped off the compliant ducks head.
Im hungry, Clark announced to onlookers including the hotels security guard, Im gonna eat it.
St. Paul police Sergeant John Wuorinen, no slouch when it comes to canny insights into the criminal mind, offered a plausible explanation for twenty-six year old mans behavior.
He was allegedly drunk, Wuorinen noted.
Aha! That would explain everything.
- 30 September 2007
- Twenty-Two Lunar Features
- Many years ago, I discovered that some of the first astronomers assigned lovely, romantic names to the moons geographic features: Sea of Vapors, Marsh of Sleep, Bay of Seething, Ocean of Storms, and so on. I decided to photograph artificial lunar surfaces and give the images the evocative titles. And thats when the trouble began.
It turns out that finding or creating fake photographs of the moon was incredibly difficult. In fact, I only made one photograph. The image of reticulated insulation on the roof of my old laboratory was completely unconvincing. When I came across scores of high-resolution digital images of the moon, I decided to complete the project.
And so it was that I combined someone elses photographs with someone elses titles to create Twenty-Two Lunar Features, which is all mine.
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©2007 David Glenn Rinehart