A dispute that's been quietly simmering for almost two centuries has finally reached an ugly climax. In 1798 the city began an ambitious development project; it was one of those turn-of-the-century building programs still dear to the hearts and purses of politicians and contractors everywhere. The 1798 building campaign was marred by a bitter and protracted feud between the City Department of Walls, Paths and Borders and the County Department of Trees, Lawns and Shrubberies. The city wanted everything paved and the county wanted everything planted. The city and the county fought the most vicious battles on their shared border. The City Department of Walls, Paths and Borders built a magnificent wide boulevard around the entire periphery of the city; the County Department of Trees, Lawns and Shrubberies responded with what its head gardener Leland Hayes called "an impentrable [sic] green wall of natural vitality." A map of the area at the time bears an uncanny resemblance to a go game between unequal opponents.
Bureaucracies never change, and the City Department of Walls, Paths and Borders is still at war with the County Department of Trees, Lawns and Shrubberies. When the roots of one of the trees planted just outside the city limits in 1798 began to push out the nearby wall, the Trees, Lawns and Shrubberies workers knocked the wall downto make room for the tree. Enraged Walls, Paths and Borders workers responded decisively by cutting down the tree at four in the morning. (In addition to catching the County Department of Trees, Lawns and Shrubberies by surprise, the early morning raid also resulted on bonus overtime pay for the city workers.)
Now everybody's suing everybody else, and both the City Department of Walls, Paths and Borders and the County Department of Trees, Lawns and Shrubberies are cranking out reams of press releases about their grand plans for the new millennium. And they still can't agree on anything: the City maintains the new millennium begins on 1 January 2000; the County insists it doesn't begin until 2001.
