- 12 June 2008
- No. 6,705 (cartoon)
- Why are you shouting?
I have nothing to say.
- 13 June 2008
- Two Thousand Days Longer than Joe Strummer
- Ive now lived two thousand days longer than Joe Strummer née John Mellor. Too bad he died so young, but I think it might be largely his fault. I think Strummer realized too many good ideas too soon; he didnt pace himself. Its not unlike Douglas Adams untimely death; he didnt ration his finite number of heartbeats and died exercising in a gym.
Ive learned from their mistakes, and have arrived at an optimum ratio of heartbeats to creative output. At this rate, I should be able to create alleged art until I die. Thats the theory, at least. As for practice, we shall see.
- 14 June 2008
- Funny Undefined
- Freddie asked me to tell him a joke, so I told him one of my favorites.
Two cows are standing in the middle of a field, and one cow says to the other, Does it seem like Tuesday to you?
And then what? Freddie asked.
Thats it, I said with a smile.
I dont get it, Freddie replied, tell me why thats funny.
I was flummoxed. Just as I couldnt explain what makes a bad joke a bad joke, I wasnt able to rationalize what make a joke funny. Rather that beat a dead, humorless horse, I told him an easily appreciated joke, the one about the three porcupines, the hot springs, and the mayonnaise. Everyone likes that joke.
- 15 June 2008
- Jean Cocteaus Amazing Day
- Its Jean Cocteaus Amazing Day again, the occasion on which I reflect on his insightful comment, Stupidity is always amazing, no matter how used to it you become.
Im grateful for researchers at Der Spiegel for tapping into that rich vein of stupidity, professional football. Here are some of the gems they discovered.
The round thing has to go in the rectangular thing.
One can win each game, one can also lose each game.
There is only one possibility: victory, defeat, or a draw.
Sometimes you lose, sometimes the others win.
The Swedes are no Dutchmen; we saw that very clearly.
Milan or Madrid, the most important thing is its Italy.
The score is currently one to one. But it could also have been the other way around.
The chances are currently fifty-fifty or even sixty-sixty.
Our chances are seventy-fifty.
You dont always need to have an absolute majority behind you, sometimes fifty-one percent is enough.
Yes; those are stupidor at least innumerateremarks, but they all pale in comparison to Lukas Podolskis observation, Fussball ist wie Schach, nur ohne Würfel. Or, in English ...
Football is like chess, only without the dice.
Now that really is amazing!
- 16 June 2008
- Yet Another Way to Die
- I read that a young boy in South Carolina drowned. That sort of tragedy happens all the time, but this death was unusual in that the boy drowned at home, over an hour after leaving the swimming pool. The lad succumbed to whats known as, dry drowning. I had no idea that one could walk and talk with water-filled lungs, but it turns out that you can drown a day after leaving the water.
Too bad about the boys death, but its fascinating how many ways human can die. I wonder what Ill come up with?
- 17 June 2008
- The Beautiful Women of Santiago
- Evelyns been to Chile before, so I asked her to tell me about Santiago.
Youll have a great time, she assured me, the women there are beautiful.
Women everywhere are beautiful, I replied, what are you talking about?
Youll see, she explained. One day youll come out of your hotel and see some of the most beautiful women youve ever seen. These lovely creatures are putas.
Whats that? I asked, the indigenous people of the region?
No, you idiot gringo, Evelyn laughed, theyre prostitutes!
I dont think thats funny, I said.
I know, Evelyn agreed, thats what makes it so funny. You white boys are just hilarious.
So much for Evelyns insights on Chile; I shall just have to go there and see for myself.