- 1 January 2009
- No. 5,467 (cartoon)
- Love is in the air.
I can smell it rotting.
- 2 January 2009
- Beefy and Fishy Food Attractors
- The Burger King Corporation is marketing Flame, a body spray that promises, the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat. It must be a quality item; why else would it command a four-dollar price tag? Still, I have my doubts.
When I was in high school, I worked for a corporation not unlike Burger King. After a few hours cooking hamburgers in a greasy kitchen, my clothing and hair was permeated with the stench of charred animal fat. I dont remember any girls mentioning my odor, at least not favorably.
Since then, Im seen a number of guys with hamburger grease and drippings on their shirts and jackets. Invariably, they are alone. I doubt anyone except advertising copywriters will ever use Flame and seduction in the same sentence.
Personally, I like to apply a few dabs of tuna or anchovy oil to the cuffs of my pants. Thats never led to any romantic liaisons, and thats fine: the fishy bouquet has been most efficacious in attracting cats of every stripe.
- 3 January 2009
- Protospective Pish
- Mollys back from a month in New York with a great story about the alleged artist Emmett Haines Rutherford III. She told me about his protospective at the Contemporary Art Museum in New York.
I asked her the obvious question: whats a protospective?
Molly explained that a protospective is the opposite of a retrospective. Contemporary Art Museum curators gave Rutherford his protospective, in recognition of the artists monumental promise and potential for innovation, ingenuity, and and inventiveness.
As for the show itself, the twenty-four-year old artist presented a few sketches, a number of framed letters to and from famous people, a very thin notebook, and two crude maquettes. Molly described the work as, aspiring to mediocrity.
Apparently, the catalyst for the protospective wasnt the supposed talent of Emmett Haines Rutherford III, but the millions of dollars Emmett Haines Rutherford II contributed to the Contemporary Art Museum.
Even though the concept of a protospective is self-evidently imbecilic, the power of patronage almost guarantees the lamentable practice will flourish. While Im prognosticating, Ill also predict that no one whos given a protospective will ever earn a retrospective. Cyril Connolly was right when he noted, Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.
- 4 January 2009
- Totally Fecked
- When Polly accused me of being feckless, I had a ready response.
Thats not true, I replied. At the New Years Eve party, everyone agreed when Melanie said I was totally fecked.
Polly couldnt argue with that. Or, perhaps more accurately, she decided to change the subject.
- 5 January 2009
- More Than Enough Cash
- Im housesitting; that involves making digital copies of my friends large music collection. Im in the middle of copying over a dozen Johnny Cash albums for reasons I dont fully understand.
Ill probably never listen to most of them, just as Ive probably never heard a third of the forty thousand songs in my computer. Theres a corollary: I have a thousand typefaces, but have used less than a dozen of them in the last decade.
I think this is yet another case where Im blessed and cursed by technology. Its nice that it only costs me a dollar to store a thousand songs or fonts, but that same economy encourages me to act like a digital pack rat.
Thats enough idle speculation for one afternoon; its time to return to cataloguing recordings Ill never hear.
- 6 January 2009
- Churchills Good Advice Ignored
- Gareth told me that he and Penelope were getting along well since they started living together in October. He said that the only real problem they had was the traditional argument about keeping the toilet seat down, but that was in the past.
How did you work things out? I asked. Did you take Winston Churchills good advice about sitting down?
Nah, I dont like sitting on the toilet, Gareth replied. I just urinate in the sink and everyones happy.
Love works in mysterious ways.
- 7 January 2009
- Hiep Hiep Hoera!
- Antonia sent me a brief birthday message today, Hiep hiep hoera! I guess that means, hip hip hooray, but the translation doesnt matter. Everything sounds better in a foreign language.
- 8 January 2009
- Very Well Misbehaved
- I invited Lara to dinner, but she said she was going to parties on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
I forgot I was talking to Ms. Popular, I said.
I cant help it, Lara replied, Everyone wants me around because Im very well misbehaved.
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©2009 David Glenn Rinehart