|
- 17 December 2009
- No. 7,018 (cartoon)
- This tastes like shit with glass shards.
It is. But isnt the guacamole lovely? - 18 December 2009
- Iranian Cyber Army Attack!
- As someone who only speaks English, poorly, I shouldnt do this, but Im nevertheless going to poke fun at the Iranian Cyber Armys most recent pronouncement. The presumably Persian activists managed to take control of a popular American Internet site, and insert this copy, which may or may not have been inspired by the people who concocted, All Your Base Are Belong to Us.
- Stimulation Iranian People reminds me of a beautiful Persian woman I once knew, but thats a story Ill never tell. Despite the Iranian Cyber Armys admonition, I think stimulation Iranian People is a worthwhile endeavor.
- 19 December 2009
- Twinkles Ferociously
- As a mediocre writer, I know just how difficult it is to write really goodly. I imagine the challenge would be much greater if I had to write about astronomy hundreds of times a year. After all, how many ways are there to describe a star?
I was listening to such an astronomy show on the radio today when I heard the combination of words, twinkles ferociously. What brilliant writing! I then remembered how Freddie Mercury née Faroukh Bulsara annoyed Sid Vicious by addressing him as Mister Ferocious. On second thought, perhaps the astronomy writing wasnt that great; perhaps ferocious is just one of those inherently amusing words. - 20 December 2009
- Ban Christmas!
- Christmas is forced upon a reluctant and disgusted nation by the shopkeepers and the press: on its own merits it would wither and shrivel in the fiery breath of universal hatred; and anyone who looked back to it would be turned into a pillar of greasy sausages.
George Bernard Shaw said that, and dang if he wasnt one prescient hombre. He also said, The photographer is like the cod, which lays a million eggs in order that one may be hatched. Or did he really say either of those things? Shaws also quoted as saying, The photographer is like the cod which produces a million eggs in the hopes that one will reach maturity. And that sounds a lot like his contemporary, Alvin Langdon Coburn, who was quoted as saying, Technically good negatives are more often the result of the survival of the fittest than of special creation: the photographer is like the cod, which lays a million eggs in order that one may reach maturity. Or perhaps Coburn didnt say that either. But hold everything, I got sidetracked by academic nitpicking. Where was I? I remember now. I was going to point out that Shaw wanted to ban Christmas. That seems like a particularly good idea today. - 21 December 2009
- Half Jewish and Half Christmas
- Alina, a Christian, married Jacob, a Jew. And then they begat a couple of children. Their offspring get a Hanukkah gift as well as a Christmas gift, a practice thats led to some theological and semantic confusion.
Im half Jewish and half Christmas, five-year old Nico recently explained. Oy. - 22 December 2009
- More Cheap Irony
- Theres no cheap entertainment like cheap irony. Todays installment comes from Israel, where forensic pathologists have admitted to harvesting eyes, hearts, skin, and bones from a number of corpses without permission.
Jehuda Hiss, who used to run Israels Abu Kabir forensic institute, admitted removing corneas from Palestinians, among others. Wed glue the eyelid shut, he explained. We wouldnt take corneas from families we knew would open the eyelids. I know its completely unfair to draw parallels with Nazis, but that really does sound like something from the Josef Mengele school of medicine. - 23 December 2009
- Turducken and Rôti sans Pareil
- Josephine gave me a one-word answer to my rhetorical question of why Americans eat relatively diminutive turkeys instead of massive ostriches at holiday meals. And the answer is this: turducken. Sounds yummy, no?
Heres the recipe. Stick some stuffing in a raw chicken, then cram the chicken into a duck, then ram the duck into a turkey. Bake the turducken, and youve got enough meat to satisfy a German. Not surprisingly, several different Americans claim to have invented the fleshy feast. But any way you slice it, the turducken is the descendent of the rôti sans pareil, or roast without equal. This predictably French concoction consists of seventeen birds, starting with a wee garden warbler, jammed into each other turducken style, but with a certain je ne sais quoi beyond fowl (foul?). Rice and beans is sounding better by the moment.
last weak | index | next weak ©2009 David Glenn Rinehart | |