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Weak XVII

24 April 2010

No. 1,240 (cartoon)

You’re showing contempt.

No, I’m trying to hide it.

25 April 2010

A Chocolate Dream

I awoke in the middle of the night after dreaming that I smelled freshly-grated chocolate. That was the first time I can remember smelling anything in a dream. My fantasy was so convincing that I walked around for a bit trying to find the source of the smell. The closest I got was an old cup of coffee, i.e., not close at all.

I wonder what Yusuf al-Harthy would make of my nocturnal experience? Harthy is a prominent Saudi dream interpreter who’s setting up an academic program to offer a doctorate degree in dreaming. I wonder if he’d accept me as a student?

I dream a lot, maybe enough to earn a philosophiæ doctor suffix after my name. Especially if I get extra credit for wishful thinking. Such a degree would be as useless as a degree in art, only good for membership in the global pyramid scam that is academia.

26 April 2010

Stephen Hawking’s Fear of Aliens

Stephen Hawking advises humans to avoid extraterrestrial creatures. The famous physicist warns that the critters from outer space may be as greedy, violent, and rapacious as Caucasians have been with native people for centuries.

At least that’s what he says publicly. My theory is that Hawking, a paraplegic in a slow wheelchair, is afraid of alien invaders for another very good reason. Since he’s not very mobile, he’s one of the first humans they’d catch and eat.

27 April 2010

Geopbytes and Beyond

Once upon a time I bought a one-gigabyte hard drive. I was a bit ahead of the curve, and had to explain to a number of my learned friends that a gigabyte was a thousand megabytes.

That was a long time ago. Since then, I’ve bought a number of terabyte (a thousand gigabytes) drives, but can’t imagine owning one of the petabyte (a thousand terabytes) drive arrays some friends are using. But, come to think of it, that’s what I said about my gigabyte and terabyte drives, too.

Just for the sheer heck of it, I decided to find out what the next orders of magnitude are, and discovered exabytes, zettabytes, yottabytes (or was that a typographical error for lottabytes?), brontobytes, and geopbytes.

I doubt I’ll live long enough to see a geopbyte drive. But, if I do, I’ll bet a case of wine that the computer’s operating system will require several brontobytes.

28 April 2010

Them’s Bitin’ Words

A number of years ago, I advised that one should never ask a woman whether she’s pregnant unless the fetus is emerging. I didn’t add that it’s bad manners to call anyone fat; them’s obviously fightin’ words.

Them’s also bitin’ words. Just ask Christian Bandiola, who called Anna Godfrey fat. That insult was apparently more than the Nebraskan could swallow. The same cannot be said of Bandiola’s ear: Godfrey allegedly bit part of it off; it was never found.

I doubt anyone in Lincoln, Nebraska reads anything that I write, but I’ll nevertheless close with this declaration. I don’t think Anna Godfrey is fat or pregnant; I never even hinted at such a remark.

29 April 2010

Unburn

Unburn is my latest film. I made it to satisfy my self-imposed quota of producing one “serious” art piece a month. Even though it’s only thirty seconds long, I wouldn’t recommend watching it. It’s a one-gimmick film, and not a very good or original contrivance at that.

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©2010 David Glenn Rinehart