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Weak V

30 January 2011

No. 8,119 (cartoon)

Love is ephemeral.

Hatred endures.

31 January 2011

Iraq Peach Keeping Force

I live simply and comfortably, so I don’t need millions of dollars more than I have now. That’s why I never pay much attention to the email propositions I receive offering me mountains of money if I help the sender launder truckloads of cash. This is the most recent example of such a proposition, typos and all.

I am Sgt Fredrick Donaldson American Combat Soldier group of 50,000, 00 combatant,left behind in Iraq for advisory and assistance to Iraq Forces after the Handing over to Iraq Peach Keeping Force.

I was almost tempted to reply to Sergeant Donaldson, who for some reason was writing from Nigeria. Even though the note was clearly part of a fraudulent scheme, who could object to applauding peach keepers?

1 February 2011

Scotch in a Can!

Whisky is certainly one of the greatest contributions the Scots have made to the world. The name comes from the Gaelic word for “water of life,” usquebaugh. Since no one can spell usquebaugh, the word morphed into usky, then whisky.

The distribution is evolving, too. Thanks to the clever folks at Scottish Spirits, I can now buy whisky in a can! And not a tiny can either; each one holds a third of a liter of the water of life.

That’s a much better than the last new product Scottish Spirits came up with, alcohol-free whisky. I have yet to sample whisky in a can; I wonder if it’s good. I hope it’s whisky from Scotland, and not something concocted in Panama, where Scottish Spirits is based.

Finally, I can’t talk about exciting new developments in Scottish culture without mentioning Great Scot International’s haggis-flavored potato chips. I bet they’ll taste great washed down by a can of whisky!

2 February 2011

Rodent Weather

Today is Groundhog Day, and that means climatologists will be watching to see if Punxsutawney Phil forecasts an early spring. They will also have an eye on Woody the Woodchuck in Michigan, whose meteorological accuracy compares favorably to Phil’s.

I don’t trust groundhogs or woodchucks. When I need a reliable weather forecast, I ask a marmot. They’re surly, but much more reliable.

3 February 2011

Thinking About Thinking About Honking

Think about honking if you love conceptual art.

That’s what the bumper sticker on a truck on the dock suggests. Should I ever think about getting my first motorized vehicle in over twenty years, I shall also think about putting such a bumper sticker on it.

4 February 2011

Buffaloed Again

Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

Andrew insists that’s a grammatically proper sentence, and offered to explain why with the help of elaborate diagrams. I declined his offer, since the more I learn about the English language, the less I know. I retain enough ignorance to hallucinate that I’m a passable writer, and that’s good enough for me.

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©2011 David Glenn Rinehart