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Weak XLVIII

26 November 2011

No. 410 (cartoon)

I have no desire to live.

Are you suicidal?

I have no desire to die, either.

27 November 2011

A Safe Prediction

I’d like to tell you that it’s going to be an exciting week, full of excitement, adventure, betrayal, thrills, danger, precariousness, redemption, general uncertainty, and eventual triumph!

I’d like to tell you that, but, in good conscience, I cannot. Not really.

28 November 2011

A Predictable Retirement

Nico told me that her father has finally retired after a long career as a San Francisco police officer when the demands of the job became too grueling.

“He always said that the day he couldn’t do his job drunk would be the day he’d turn in turn in his badge and gun,” she said, “but it’s still disconcerting to see that that day’s finally here.”

29 November 2011

Cold “Beer” Explained

Josephine is visiting the United States again, and she’s understandably flummoxed by American culture, or, perhaps more accurately, lack of it.

“Why is American beer always cold?” she asked with understandable irritation.

“First, it’s technically a ‘beer-flavored beverage,’ not real beer,” I explained. “It’s served cold so you can tell it from chihuahua urine.”

30 November 2011

Gratuitous Photo of the Weak: Electric Burner

It’s cold on the bay tonight, but not in the boat. The electric burner is radiating crimson orange heat, and everything here is toasty and cozy.

1 December 2011

Stupid, Selfish, and Healthy

I more or less agree with Gustave Flaubert, who posited, “To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness; though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless.”

I used the qualifier because I’m not sure to which kind of selfishness Flaubert refers. I presume it’s not the type of selfishness so popular today, which is based on the premise that the rich don’t have enough money and that the poor have too much.

I’m selfish, but in the positive sense. (I would say that, wouldn’t I?) I make sure I’m healthy, entertained, and solvent, but not at anyone else’s expense. I do lots of favors for my friends; they do lots of favors for me; none of us keep score, and we all do very well.

That’s smart, but I engage in enough stupidity in other facets of my life to make Flaubert’s formula for happiness work for me.

2 December 2011

Preëminent Meteorologists Agree

Here’s the six-day weather forecast for San Francisco:

Friday: Sunny. Cool.
Saturday: Passing Clouds. Cool.
Sunday: Passing Clouds. Cool.
Monday: Mostly Sunny. Cool.
Tuesday: Passing Clouds. Cool.
Wednesday: More Sun Than Clouds. Cool.

Preëminent meteorologists agree: San Francisco is cool. But you certainly need not be a weatherperson to know that.

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©2011 David Glenn Rinehart