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Weak XIV

3 April 2012

No. 2,646 (cartoon)

I’m full of unrealized potential.

“Unrealized potential” is not a synonym for “shit.”

4 April 2012

Writers on Time

William Faulkner had an interesting observation on why writers put so much time into their work.

“It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.”

It’s too bad Faulkner never had a chance to relax with Kurt Vonnegut, who had a much more creative approach to spending time.

“Listen: We are here on Earth to fart around. Don’t let anyone tell you any different!”

Especially not William Faulkner.

5 April 2012

Gratuitous Photo of the Weak: Oakland Hotel

Dr. Bufano asked me to take a photograph of a decrepit hotel near her Oakland studio, so I did. It was a good opportunity to enjoy the craft of simple documentary photography without worrying about aesthetics.

I was ready to make the photograph, but paused when I saw a pedestrian walking down the sidewalk. She paused directly in front of the hotel, pulled out a huge, chrome pipe, and proceeded to light up what appeared to be crack cocaine. Ah, springtime in Oakland.

6 April 2012

Dropping Babies

I’ve talked about baby jumping and baby racing, and now I’ve discovered that there’s a new use for infants: baby dropping. Here’s how it’s done, at least in India.

First, you put the baby in a bucket tied to your back, then scale a ten-meter wall with the help of a rope. When you reach the top, you pass the baby to an hombre who holds the newborn by its hands and feet over the edge of a balcony, praises god, then drops the tiny tot.

If all goes well, a dozen men catch the baby on a large blanket stretched between them. After the wee bairn bounces a bit, the men pass her along to her mother who then calms the crying, traumatized child. Sounds quite jolly!

I never wanted to father a child, but had I known decades ago about how entertaining it is to drop babies I might have had a different idea.

7 April 2012

A Real Timesaver

Kurt arrived at Alphonse’s party tonight very inebriated, quite under the influence indeed.

“I can’t believe you showed up at my party already drunk,” Alphonse protested.

“It’s a real timesaver,” Kurt slurred.

Why is everyone always in such a hurry?

8 April 2012

Old Age Is Always Fifteen Years Older Than I Am

Today would have been my father’s ninety-second birthday, but it’s not since he’s been dead for decades. I can’t imagine him being that old; I doubt he could have either.

Even though he lived over seven decades, my father wasn’t really old using his definition: “Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.” That quote is also attributed to Thomas Bailey Aldrich, Bernard Mannes Baruch, and others, but that’s irrelevant to me. A good quote has many parents, but only the famous ones are recognized. My father was never famous and rarely infamous; he and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

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©2012 David Glenn Rinehart