Last Weak  |  Index  |  Next Weak

Weak XLIII

22 October 2012

No. 4,935 (cartoon)

I don’t believe we descended from apes.

But certainly your children must.

23 October 2012

Have a Nice Day!

While reading this sentence, fifty thousand of the cells in your body will die and be replaced with new cells. I hope they’re not fatty, cancerous, or otherwise mutated.

Have a nice day!

24 October 2012

Dull, Boring Coupling

San Francisco has a “sister city.” At least one, maybe more. It/they are probably in Asia or Europe; I wonder why there are almost no sister cities in Africa or South America? And why are there no brother cities, cousin cities, et cetera? I don’t care since this stupid concept is as irrelevant to my life as any other stupid concept except for the ones I embrace, such as art.

Having said that, I recently came across an irrelevant pairing I liked: Boring, Oregon, and Dull, Scotland. Perfect! I’ve never been to Dull, but I have visited Boring, and it is. (A tragic automobile accident involving two unfortunate Oregonians also provided one of my favorite headlines: Boring Couple Killed.) I suppose the sister cities could be described as a bland couple, but at least no one will care whether the relationship lives or dies.

What we need is an international city yenta to arrange more interesting pairings such as Dildo, Newfoundland, and Embarrass, Minnesota.

25 October 2012

Earthquake Detector (2012 prototype)

“An artist really never finishes his work, he just abandons it.”

I thought of that observation by Paul Ambroise Valéry when I sort of completed Earthquake Detector (2012 prototype). It wasn’t what I originally had in mind, but I got tired of procrastinating so I added “(2012 prototype)” to the original title. That will allow me to do the iteration I originally envisioned in the unlikely event I ever revisit the piece.

26 October 2012

Gratuitous Photo of the Weak: 24,042,656 Redundant Pixels

I recently bought the camera I’ve always wanted since digital cameras became affordable. It has a thirty-six by twenty-four millimeter sensor, the same size as the film cameras I used to use. Every time I release the shutter, the camera captures 24,160,256 pieces of information, enough to make a print a meter wide.

I’ve never made a photograph that large; I doubt I ever will. Most of my photographs only exist in these notebook entries; they’re no larger than four hundred and twenty pixels in any dimension. This image shows 117,600 of the original pixels the camera recorded when I documented Earthquake Detector yesterday. In other words (in other numbers?), my camera regularly captures 24,042,656 more pieces of information than I’ll probably every use. Oh well, nothing succeeds like excess!

27 October 2012

Armageddon in Drunksville

Those Scots are at it again! And I’m glad they are. Scotland’s Brewmeister Brewery has concocted a new beer, Armageddon. Normally I’d see no value in a redundant project; Rainier Ale is cheap and plentiful. Armageddon, however, does have one unusual characteristic: it has sixty-some percent more alcohol in it than most whiskies.

Brewmeister cofounder Lewis Shand says Armageddon, “delivers a supersonic-charged explosion and delivers the drinker to Drunksville.” That sounds difficult to disprove, since I’m guessing that most of their target demographic already live in Drunksville.

28 October 2012

“San Francisco” “Giants” Win “World Series”

This is the first time in almost seventeen years of penning (computering?) this twaddle that I’m consciously repeating word for word something I wrote previously, in this case on 1 November 2010. Let the cutting and pasting begin!

Today, news outlets report that the San Francisco Giants won the world series. But that’s not exactly true.

First, mercenaries from around the world comprise the team. I doubt any of the baseball players are actually from San Francisco, or will choose to stay here after their contracts expire.

And as for San Francisco, the original name of the “team” is the Troy City Trojans. It was founded in 1879, and has moved from city to city ever since. They could be the Biloxi Giants tomorrow; who knows?

Third, the “giants” look like ordinary humans, not behemoths. A few paunchy guys, a couple that look downright scrawny, but no one over two meters tall. In short, no giants.

And finally, the only baseball teams eligible to play in the “world” series are from the United States. I think there may be one or two from Canada, but that’s virtually the same thing.

Go Giants!

29 October 2012

From Where I Hell

When people ask me where I’m from, sometimes I say Novosibirsk, but I usually say that I hell from Flint, Michigan. (One doesn’t hail from Flint, one hells from it.)

Last Weak  |  Index  |  Next Weak
©2012 David Glenn Rinehart