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Weak XLI

9 October 2013

No. 8,623 (cartoon)

This will not end well.

Any termination is a happy ending.

10 October 2013

PSO J318:5-22

A recently discovered planet is baffling astronomers because it doesn’t have something every other planet has: a sun. PSO J318:5-22 is just floating through the universe, assuming that a planet can float. Scientists may not know what’s going on, but I do.

If a planet is looking for a long term, committed relationship, a star is not the way to go. Sure, they’ll be warm and bright for some time, but they’re always a complete disappointment in the end. As I recently noted, our sun is going to flake out on us in less than two billion years.

I think we should follow PSO J318:5-22’s example and head out on our own. It’s better to get out of an unhealthy codependent relationship sooner than later. It won’t be easy, cheap, or quick, but it will be worth it. And anyway, since we have at least a billion years or so to figure it out, so I’m headed out to pick up some more Rainier Ale.

11 October 2013

Patience Kills

I don’t know what to make of zoos, especially when it comes to intelligent, social creatures like elephants. If you look at it from one perspective, poachers with heavy weapons are killing thirty thousand of them a year; they may become extinct in the wild.

On the other hand, zoos are prisons.

And that brings us, or at least you, to the Dickerson Park Zoo in Springfield, Missouri. One prisoner who was twenty-three years into a life sentence hated her jailer. She expressed her hostility in the classic manner: she killed him. Pushed him to the floor and more or less squished him, to be more or less precise. I wonder if she’d have done so earlier if her name wasn’t Patience?

I looked for a photo of the alleged, er, convicted perpetrator, and found an image of Patience walking in the snow. What’s wrong with that picture? I guess that’s how she earned the name Patience.

12 October 2013

Gratuitous Photo of the Weak: Carrots with Mustard

One of Lisa’s friends brought carrots with mustard on them to her memorial service today. She said that Lisa claimed that they tasted just like sausages. They did not; they tasted like a memory I’ve never had and never will.

13 October 2013

What Cats Think

“I wonder what cats think?” Veronica asked out of the blue. (We were surrounded by goldfish at the time.)

“They think,” I replied, “I wonder what humans think?”

What could be more obvious?

14 October 2013

Not Channeling Lewis Carroll

Brandon asked me what I was doing, so I gave I gave him the obvious answer: “I’m updating my [this] daily notebook; I’m perpetually late.”

“You do it daily and you’re behind?” he asked. “Are you channeling Lewis Carroll?”

“I don’t think so,” I replied. “I’ve never even met the hombre.”

Brandon annoys me. How can I be perpetually behind on something I’ve been doing daily for almost eighteen years? My little brain hurts.

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©2013 David Glenn Rinehart