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Weak XLVII

20 November 2015

No. 8,751 (cartoon)

I love all animals.

Even the ones you eat?

They’re my favorites!

21 November 2015

Wuv and War

Sylvia needed to talk with Adrian when he called her at my studio, so she did. She closed the brief conversation by saying, “I wuv you.” I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop; there was no other possibility since I was sitting a meter away.

“What’s with the baby talk?” I asked. “Did you do that to be endearing, annoying, or both?”

“Neither,” she replied, “I’m just being careful with my words.”

“One of these days he’s going to ask me why I no longer love him,” she continued, “they always do. And when he does, I’ll truthfully point out that I never said that I loved him.”

I suppose all’s fair in wuv and war.

22 November 2015

Follow the Curve, Not the Line

Over a dozen years ago, I gave some woman I met in passing what I considered to be the ultimate compliment of plagiarizing her line, “Follow the curve, not the line.” She was aghast, and told me that I absolutely could not use the line that she was going to parlay into fortune and fame.

I haven’t heard the curvy admonition since and can’t remember her name, so I guess I’ll take her alleged creation after all. I took her line, but I won’t follow it. That’s the whole point of the sophistry, as I understand it.

23 November 2015

Every Vital Impulse Slowly Withering

Bertrand Russell wrote, “A generation that cannot endure boredom will be a generation of little men, of men unduly divorced from the slow process of nature, of men in whom every vital impulse slowly withers as though they were cut flowers in a vase.”

I don’t know what to make about that. Although it has a certain romantic truth to it, I also believe that Attention Deficit Disorder is the natural, healthy human condition.

Having given quite enough time to that debate, I wonder what I’ll cook for dinner?

24 November 2015

Fukuppy!

Let the record show that, on the record, Fukuppy has nothing to do with the fuckups trying to mitigate the ongoing, deadly radiation from the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant and their repeated fuckups. There, now that that’s out of the way, it’s time to talk about the real Fukuppy.

Fukuppy is the mascot of Fukushima Industries, the Osaka-based manufacturer of industrial cooling technologies. Fukuppy has no connection to the incompetent fuckups (is there a competent fuckup?) continuing to fuck things up in Fukushima prefecture.

Fukuppy hasn’t done much to advance the cause of industrial refrigeration. Perhaps Fukushima Industries should transfer the poor egg to Fukushima prefecture to represent the thousands of poor, irradiated fukuppys’ myriad fuckups.

25 November 2015

Important Points to Consider When Washing Your Hands

Nancy’s broken leg is in a cast. That impeded her automotive mobility, so I drove her to medical appointment in some godforsaken suburb. While I was there, I needed to urinate, but then, who doesn’t after a dozen espressos?

Being nicely brought up—and thus I have no idea how I ended up like this—I washed my hands. Or, rather, I almost washed my hands. Someone posted ten paragraphs of instructions, “Important Points to Consider When Washing Your Hands.” I had no idea that digital hygiene was so complicated. By the time I’d read all the dos and dont’s, there wasn’t time to actually take all the recommended steps.

Instead, I just sprinkled some cold water on my hands then wiped them dry on my pants, just like I’ve been doing for decades.

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©2015 David Glenn Rinehart