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Weak XIX

7 May 2016

No. 9,763 (cartoon)

That’s a lie.

A lie is just a truth that hasn’t happened yet.

8 May 2016

Boring Conference

Organizers presented the sixth annual Boring Conference in London, England, yesterday. Journalists filed stories saying there was nothing to report, so I suppose the event was, by definition, a success.

9 May 2016

Rokudenashiko

Megumi Igarashi, a Japanese artist, probably could have used her computer to create and disseminate data that would allow anyone with a three-dimensional printer to fabricate a model of a penis. Such a contribution would have no doubt been welcomed at the Festival of the Steel Phallus in Kawasaki, Japan, which features more phallic sculptures and models than you can shake a dildo at.

She probably could have, but she didn’t.

Instead, Igarashi, who uses the nom de art Rokudenashiko (good-for-nothing girl), published the information needed to make a replica of her genitalia. She also used the data to create a kayak in the same shape; that led to a trial on obscenity charges.

“I am innocent because neither the data for female genitals nor my artworks shaped like female genitals are obscene,” she told the court in her defense.

Mihoko Tanabe, the judge in her trial, disagreed and declared that her work could “sexually arouse viewers.” He fined her almost four thousand dollars.

This was, of course, the same Japan where Japanese censors refuse to ban pornographic images of children in manga and animated films in order to preserve freedom of artistic expression.

Another example of Japanese inscrutability? Nah, just sexist pigdogs.

10 May 2016

With Apologies to Pimpin4Paradise786

One of the many reasons I have no interest in being respectable is that it requires too much work in general and good acting in particular. For example, I could never have written this earenst correction that appeared in today’s edition of the New York Times.

Because of an editing error, an article on Monday (May 9) about a theological battle being fought by Muslim imams and scholars in the West against the Islamic State misstated the Snapchat handle used by Suhaib Webb, one of the Muslim leaders speaking out. It is imamsuhaibwebb, not Pimpin4Paradise786.

Had I made such an imbecilic mistake, I would have yet again simply admitted that I’m an idiot. I’m almost certain that Pimpin4Paradise786 would have appreciated that more than the Times’ stuffy apology.

11 May 2016

Certain Things

Cecelia confirmed the truth in Daniel Defoe’s 1726 book, The Political History of the Devil, “Things as certain as death and taxes ...”

After her son Cedric died, the invoice from the crematorium included a tax bill from the California Department of Consumer Affairs for eight and a half dollars.

That was a smart bureaucratic move: dead people don’t vote against those who tax them.

12 May 2016

The Room Formerly Known as John

For reasons I’ve been too lazy to investigate, “John” is common slang for “toilet” or “bathroom.” This didn’t sit well with John Lekashman, my learned colleague at the Internet Archive. And so, as a professional courtesy, I renamed all the bathrooms here “Jim.” I called it art so no one could argue with me.

Antoinette, of all people, applauded my new piece, The Room Formerly Known as John. She explained that she could go straight to the saloon after work because she’d already been to the Jim.

13 May 2016

Mixed Drinks About Feelings

Conrad isn’t doing well, but he couldn’t seem to tell me why. He mumbled, equivocated, and prevaricated.

“I can’t really understand how you’re doing,” I said. “I suppose this is what being a veterinarian feels like.”

“I’m sorry, David,” he replied, “but I have mixed drinks about feelings.”

So we did.

14 May 2016

Three Predictable Pacific Palms

I was riding my bike innocently enough (yes, I know that’s what everyone claims) along the coast when I saw three potted palms against the Cliff House. I had no choice but to photograph them in the early morning light, so I did.

Three Predictable Pacific Palms: another pretty, pretty boring photograph. A triptych, even. Oh well, no one ever said living in California was easy. (Yes, lots of people have said that, but they were wrong wrong wrong.)

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©2016 David Glenn Rinehart