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Weak XLIV

30 October 2016

No. 546 (cartoon)

You should pay attention to your impulses.

Why?

My impulses pay no attention to me.

31 October 2016

Beers Are for Kids

I have no idea why, but an improbably large number of my friends, including Rosalind, are writing books for children.

“You have to have a look at this,” she told me as she thrust a manuscript at me.

“Thanks, but poetry for youngsters is not a medium that’s of interest to me,” I explained.

“Maybe you misunderstood me,” she continued sternly, “I said you have to have a look at this.”

I realized that I was trapped, so I read The Elephant and the Mouse.

I was standing on a corner,
where there once was a house,
the elephant that lived there,
had turned into a mouse.

There’s nothing I could say,
to make this any clearer,
So it’s time to stop this writing,
and drink another beer.

Rosalind looked at me expectantly, even though she wasn’t pregnant. I had to say something, so I did.

“I’m surprised about the reference to beers given your target audience,” I said.

“That’s exactly it!” she beamed.

She went on to explain that she’d done a lot of market research and discovered that virtually no writers were targeting kids who drink, “and there are a lot more than you might imagine.”

Oh dear, if there’s anything worse than bad poetry it’s bad market-driven poetry.

1 November 2016

No Phonies

Oliver showed a film of the Ramones in concert on New Year’s Eve in 1977. That’s almost forty years ago, yikes!

“Do you know what’s remarkable about this performance?” he asked.

“They’re all dead?” I suggested.

“Nah, that’s too obvious,” he replied. “I can’t see a single camera among the thousands of people in the audience. Compare that to a stadium concert today, where half of the people there are holding a glowing cameraphone above their heads.”

I nodded even though I couldn’t make such a comparison. I haven’t been to a performance in that kind of venue since long before the annoying, ubiquitous devices were invented.

2 November 2016

Posthumously Profitable

Luciana said I was too cynical when I wrote about Rebecca’s attempt to make money by selling her artwork. I reminded her that I almost never write anything real in here; it’s just my bad actor/bad fiction shtick.

After some backing and forthing, I finally admitted that Rebecca will probably sell enough of her work to live on when she’s dead, so I suppose there is hope.

3 November 2016

The Situation in Cleveland

Mercenary athletes under contract to two baseball corporations will play the final, decisive game of the “World Series” in a few hours. I find the commentary of the sports broadcasters more entertaining than any athletic event, so I’m not going to watch the tedious spectacle.

“Well, either team could win,” said former coach Dan Amon. “But let’s not forget that, on the other hand, either team could lose. That’s the situation we’re looking at here in Cleveland.”

I think those steroid-addled insights pretty much sum up the entire range of possibilities for tonight’s contest. Now that Amon’s taken all the mystery out of the match, I think I’ll recalibrate my light meters tonight instead. That should be much more exciting.

4 November 2016

The Official Monster Raving Loony Party

The Official Monster Raving Loony Party, with the platform, “Vote For Insanity,” is a bona fide political party in the United [sic] Kingdom. Why the Loonies have not sued Donald Trump and his cronies for plagiarism or trademark infringement, this I do not know.

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©2016 David Glenn Rinehart