Last Weak  |  Index  |  Next Weak

Weak LI

17 December 2016

No. 7,855 (cartoon)

I’ll be better to you in the future.

That’s easy for you to say.

Only when you’re not choking me.

18 December 2016

Steal This Idea

I thought of Saul Bellow at three in the morning. As the late author said, “You never have to change anything you got up in the middle of the night to write.”

I had such a brilliant idea that I was sure that I’d remember it in the morning, but got out of bed to type it here anyway.

Steal This Idea

I didn’t know whether or not I was unconsciously plagiarizing Abbie Hoffman’s Steal This Book, but it didn’t matter, Steal This Idea was mine.

I was quite chuffed when I awoke. Halfway through my usual five double espressos, though, I discovered that “steal this idea” was already in over eight hundred thousand places on the Internet. I wasn’t the least bit disappointed, though; I did steal the idea and you can too.

You’re welcome.

19 December 2016

Potato Miscalculations

I don’t know how people can misunderstand a potato after millennia of intimate relationships with the starchy tuber, but, well, they can and do.

I recently read an article in Korparativny Vestnik about a couple of hooligans in Bishkek, the capital of Kyrgyzstan. (The central Asian country has only three classes of criminals: miscreants, hooligans, and thugs.) The pair were trying to roast potatoes over the World War II memorial’s eternal flame.

“Although it was criminally disrespectful, I have to admit the eternal flame was a practical choice,” said Rahmonbek Sydykov, a professor at Bishkek University, “since that’s about how long it would take to cook a potato on a stick.”

Ah, the poor, misunderstood tuber. The culprits are still at large, but I’m sure they’ll strike again: stupidity always does.

20 December 2016

Heroes of the Russian Federation

Sixty-some Russians died in Irkutsk after drinking Boyaryshnik, a bath lotion that contains lots of alcohol. Unfortunately, it was methanol alcohol, which, as any of the poisoned Russians would confirm if they could confirm anything, is deadly.

President Vladimir Putin reacted quickly and promised to cut the excise taxes on alcohol, “until vodka is cheap enough to bathe in.” As a result, each of the dead Siberians was posthumously rewarded a Hero of the Russian Federation medal, everyone’s safely drunk again, and life in the frozen north goes on as usual.

21 December 2016

Typo(s) of the Year

I’m going to jump the gun and name my typo(s) of the year. The improbable winner: The New York Times! And what an epic mea culpa!

An obituary on Wednesday about the pilot Bob Hoover referred incorrectly to his escape from a prisoner of war camp ... misstated the name of the Ohio airfield ... misidentified the Bell Aircraft X-1 ... misidentified the company with which North American Aviation, for which Mr. Hoover worked as a test pilot, merged ... referred incorrectly to the P-51 fighter ... misidentified the plane shown with Mr. Hoover.

One more thing: the reporter’s name was misspelled. Other than that, damn fine reporting!

22 December 2016

A Pox on Kapoor and Temple

Something about Anish Kapoor has always annoyed me. His work is not without merit, but his smugness as a member of the English art establishment’s incestuous old boys network grates and irritates. I appreciate that’s rather nebulous, so in a perverse way I’m glad that I now have a concrete reason to dislike him.

NanoSystems makes the blackest pigment in the world, Vantablack. Kapoor negotiated an agreement with NanoSystems administraitors that gave him the exclusive right to use Vantablack.

In response, Stuart Temple worked with paint manufacturers to create Pink, the pinkest pink in the world. Anyone in the world is licensed to buy and use Pink except Anish Kapoor.

These petty fights are as amusing as they are juvenile. Any artist who patents their gimmick doesn’t have much to say. A pox on Kapoor and Temple’s playground spat. Learn to share, children!

23 December 2016

FAQ Answered

I met Eugene Miya at lunch today; what a treat! He has a spectacular curriculum vitae, including administering the third of three computers on the network that would become the Internet.

His accomplishment of most interest to me was coining the phrase, “frequently asked question(s),” more commonly known by its acronym, FAQ. Finally, I could get a definitive answer to the long-standing geek grammar question, is FAQ singular or plural?

“Singular,” he declared.

The first FAQ was in fact singular: “How do I get a job at NASA?”

And that’s that.

I thanked him profusely for the definitive answer, then he gave me a bonus. He was very adamant about the pronunciation: it’s F A Q, not “fack.”

And that’s really that.

The end.

Last Weak  |  Index  |  Next Weak
©2016 David Glenn Rinehart