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Weak V

30 January 2019

No. 644 (cartoon)

You’re a liar.

No, I’m a fictional character.

There’s a difference?

31 January 2019

Winding Up a Drunk

The grey rain clouds finally cleared and everything dried out and warmed up again, so I figured that was a good time to visit Annie’s well-stocked liquor cabinet, er, studio.

“Sure is thirsty out today!” I exclaimed as I helped myself to a drink.

She looked at me askancely, so I knew what she was going to say next. I’m not clairvoyant or anything like that; it’s just that she always says more or less the same thing.

“You’ll wind up a drunk if you keep drinking like that,” she admonished.

“That’s great!” I replied, “I love winding up drunks!”

She glared at me as I poured another drink. I didn’t care; we love each other and that’s all that really matters.

1 February 2019

World Read Aloud Day

An obscure little organization I’ve never heard of has proclaimed that today is World Read Aloud Day. I think such artificial holidays are silly, but please do feel free to read this aloud if you’d care to do so. On the positive side, it might be a good way to annoy people.

Today is also National Baked Alaska Day, National Get Up Day, and National Serpent Day. I have no idea how to observe them; you’re on your own.

2 February 2019

A Smelly, Stinky Reënactment Manoeuvre

Sarah Lyall wrote an interesting profile article about Benjamin Dreyer, a famous pedant. Dreyer himself wasn’t that interesting, just the usual literary zealot, the kind of person who would and did end a friendship because of a disagreement over punctuation. I came up with the above title, A Smelly, Stinky Reënactment Manoeuvre, because each of those words except “a” would give Dreyer a grand mal hissy fit seizure.

I really only liked the piece because Lyall wrote one of the stooopidest as well as one of the most insightful sentences I’ve read recently.

“Dreyer ... set out to be an actor, but actually became a waiter.” Jeez, Sarah, what would-be actor wasn’t a waiter? And now, for the good one ...

“Social media has spawned a generation of un-Strunk-and-White-ified people who appear to believe that punctuation is optional, that grammar is for the elderly and that ending a sentence with a period is a deliberate act of aggression.”

And with that, I shall end aggressively.

3 February 2019

Football Strategies

I’m at Wanda and Joel’s Superbowl party. No one here is interested in any flavor of football; the event is an excuse to drink lots of beer and wine while eating salty, greasy food. I have no idea why people need an excuse to enjoy themselves; Americans are a silly lot.

No one here knows anything about the game, but that hasn’t stopped everyone from vehemently quarreling about the best strategy. As always, ignorance makes for great bickering.

Wanda declared that the best offense is a good defense. Joel disagreed, and insisted that the best defense is a good offense. Stephan tried to have it both ways by suggesting that the best offense and defense is a good offense and a good defense.

I upped the ante by maintaining that the best offense and defense is a good offense and a good defense with a couple of snipers with M110 semi-automatics stationed on the roof. That finally brought consensus; everyone else agreed that was unsportsmanlike conduct.

Feh.

The game ended predictably; the winning team defeated the other one by a number of points.

4 February 2019

Art Machine

I’m not interested in the big new exhibit of Andy Warhol’s work at the Whitney Museum in New York; big shows are a big bore. And anyway, it can’t be a new exhibit; he’s been dead for over thirty years.

The aspect of the extravaganza that caught my eye was a quote I hadn’t heard before, “The reason I’m painting this way is that I want to be a machine.”

Warhol failed at that; he produced many different flavors of work. On the other hand, I wonder if I may be closer to a machine than I’d care to admit. I’m not sure I want to give that any thought; I just might be most uncomfortable with the answer.

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©2019 David Glenn Rinehart