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Weak XXV

18 June 2022

No. 8,281 (cartoon)

Do you dream about our future together?

Are nightmares dreams?

19 June 2022

A Good Friend Who Never Got Caught

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

When Fran Lebowitz was asked that question, she replied, “That I’ve never killed anyone—and I’ve been tempted numerous times.”

I didn’t think that was a particularly clever answer, but I liked the approach of recognizing the avoidance of horrible mistakes as an accomplishment. I never gave it any thought until now, but I suppose my greatest achievement is being a good friend. After that, it’s on to a list of the many things that begin with, “I never got caught ...”

20 June 2022

Szilveszter Matuska Memorial Mural

I just saw the first good mural I’ve seen in over fifteen years, and only the third one I’ve noted that wasn’t crap since 1995. Yep; they’re that rare.

I like this wall painting of a railroad panorama. It looks like something came down the empty tracks, through the two-dimensional barrier of the mural, and into the tiny parking lot. I know that’s kind of gimmicky, but at least it’s a celebration of a train wreck and not some romanticized fantasy of the righteous struggle of the oppressed, or worse.

21 June 2022

Optical Thingie of Desire

I visited an optometrist for only the second time in my life. I wasn’t concerned about anything in particular; I just wanted to make sure some of my favorite organs didn’t need a tuneup, maintenance, or repairs.

While I was waiting and waiting and waiting as is tradition when visiting a medical professional, I admired a complex optical thingie. I had no idea what it was, but with over a dozen lenses and dials, I knew I wanted one for the same reason I hanker after exotic camera lenses I’m unlikely to use more than once a year, if that. With all that lovely brass, steel, and glass, I could almost smell the precision.

My eyes are just fine, but the optometrist identified another problem in her office that may be incurable. She told me the device I craved is an American Optical Company Phoroptor Model 11625. She said my desire to own complex optics I’d never use was indicative of OAD, Optical Acquisition Disorder.

She explained that there’s no cure for OAD. That’s the bad news. The good news is that even though consumption is the opposite of creation, there’s no grave harm in buying enough photography equipment to stock a small camera shop.

Oh well, at least my peepers are peepin’ just fine!

22 June 2022

Demodex folliculorum

Alejandra Perotti, a researcher at the University of Reading, reports that Demodex folliculorum may be headed to extinction. If you don’t know your mites from your mites, these are the ones that have sex on your face while you sleep.

I’ll put this in perspective. I’ve lived in San Francisco long enough to be comfortable with whatever two consenting adults do in the privacy of their home. It’s not much of a stretch to be similarly open-minded about mites on my face.

So far so good. But ...

I do feel sorry for the wee buggers, especially after Dr. Perotti described them as, “very tiny and cute.” Since we humans have done such an outstanding job of bolloxing up the biosphere, the climate, and everything else we touch, I just shrug whenever I hear about another species going extinct. (Sorry Demodex folliculorum, you’ll always have a place on my face.) It will be our turn one of these decades, but not soon enough.

23 June 2022

She Loves Me (Pentaptych)

I saw a fork with a missing tine, then one thing led to another, and eventually to She Loves Me (Pentaptych). I made a piece with a similar title twenty-five years ago, She Loves Me / Not: Twenty-Three Possibilities Read From Two Hundred and Fifty-Three Petals. I didn’t feel like I was repeating myself; I may even do another variation in 2047.

24 June 2022

Happy Birthday, Ambrose

PHOTOGRAPH, n. A picture painted by the sun without instruction in art. It is a little better than the work of an Apache, but not quite so good as that of a Cheyenne.

That juicy little word nugget was from The Devil’s Dictionary. The author, Ambrose Gwinnett Bierce, who was born on 24 June 1842, would have been sixty-five thousand seven hundred and forty-five disappointments old today. I’ll let him explain:

YEAR, n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

25 June 2022

Current and Future Events

Iris is very savvy at making money from identifying and monetizing social trends. She just bought a refrigerated shipping container full of condoms anticipating that the American Taliban, having outlawed abortions in most of the country, will soon ban contraception. She explained that she’ll then be able to sell each ten-cent prophylactic for ten dollars.

I told her that I thought she was being too pessimistic, so she pointed out the most recent headlines in The Onion, “America’s Finest News Source.”

Supreme Court Votes 5-4 To Reclassify Women As Service Animals

Supreme Court Rules 5-4 To Reopen Japanese Internment Camps

Supreme Court Votes 5-4 To Lock Nation’s Toddlers In Hot Cars

Supreme Court Votes 5-4 To Drive Slowly Alongside Woman Walking Home Alone At Night

Supreme Court Rules 5-4 To Add Jesus Into All Paintings

Supreme Court Votes 5-4 To Make It Illegal For Women To Deceive Men With Makeup

Supreme Court Rules 5-4 To Baptize Constitution

Iris isn’t greedy, but I think she may have missed the larger picture when calculating the projected massive return on her investment. She won’t be able to enjoy her huge profits if she’s burned at the stake as a condom-peddling heretic.

I think she’d be better off investing in Gary’s Guillotines of Possumneck, Mississippi. When heads start to roll, you can bet it won’t be off some French import.

Coming next weak: more of the same.

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©2022 David Glenn Rinehart