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Weak XLIV

30 October 2023

No. 8,617 (cartoon)

You’re going nowhere.

No, I arrived there some time ago.

Welcome to the neighborhood.

31 October 2023

Goodbye, Susan

My extraordinarily dear friend Susan died today. She was perhaps the most independent and private person I’ll ever meet. And so, my loving farewell obituary is to say no more.

1 November 2023

Mass Murder Done Right

An anonymous Coloradan dressed in body armor just set the gold—if not platinum—standard for mass murder. According to the news report I read, he armed himself with “a semi-automatic rifle, semi-automatic handgun, and multiple, loaded magazines for each weapon.” And explosives, too; that’s de rigueur these days.

He broke into the Glenwood Caverns Adventure Park when it was closed, went into a bathroom, and killed himself.

What a great idea! I hope all the mass murderers reading this will follow his stellar example. When you have your personal arsenal and are about to slaughter scores of innocent people, kill yourself first then massacre everyone else later!

2 November 2023

Shrimp and Prawns

Brandon is on a crusade to learn everyone about marine crustaceans, and this afternoon he enlisted me to harangue everyone I could, and I’m afraid that, at the moment, that means you.

Shrimp and prawns are not synonyms. So many dining calamities could have been avoided if only people knew that shrimp have claws on two of their five pairs of legs; prawns have claws on three of their five pairs of legs.

Live and learn, and savor the toxins!

3 November 2023

A Galloping Horse and a Blind Man

Anita pointed to the tiniest blemish on the fresh print she just pulled and whinged about a fresh scratch on her etching plate. (She’s the only person I know who literally means “Come up and look at my etchings” when s/he says, “Come up and look at my etchings.”)

“A galloping horse wouldn’t see it and a blind man would be glad to,” I assured her.

“What in the hell is that supposed to mean?” she demanded.

“It means that I could barely see it even with my glasses on,” I explained.

I had of course wasted my breath; she continued to bellyache. Complainers gonna complain; that’s the way it’s always been and always will be.

4 November 2023

No. 2,489 (cartoon) Revisited

May I ask you an embarrassing personal question?

You just did.

# # #

I first published that cartoon on 9 July 2010. And today I just read Louis Theroux’s corollary, if it is one: “It’s not rude to ask a question. It’s rude to expect an answer.”

And that’s the update from here at etiquette central; enjoy!

Coming next weak: more of the same.

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©2023 David Glenn Rinehart