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Weak XLVIII

26 November 2023

No. 1,215 (cartoon)

You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.

You’ve got bacon for brains.

It makes for a tasty snack.

27 November 2023

Getting Juiced

Why would an intelligent person wear a watch that doesn’t work? I have no idea why a knowledgeable person would do such a thing, but I can explain why I’m wearing a dead watch.

And I will.

My electronic watch has dead batteries that have turned it into a piece of shiny obsidian strapped to my wrist with a comfortable watch band. I can’t seem to remember that it hasn’t functioned since I left the charger at Herbert’s studio yesterday, so I look at it every few minutes seeking information that’s not there. That’s clearly ridiculous, but the alternative is worse.

My body has become accustomed to the feel of a phone in my left pocket, my knife in the other one, and the watch on my left wrist. I’m acutely aware of any variations from those norms, including feeling the uncomfortable absence of the phone pressing against my leg even when I’m using it.

It’s going to be a long bike ride back to Herbert’s place this afternoon, but getting juiced will certainly be worth it.

28 November 2023

Money Triumphs in the End

I know next to nothing—or less—about economics, but Robert Reich writes so clearly and convincingly that I don’t feel like such a nincompoop. Take the headline for his column today, The frantic battle over OpenAI shows that money triumphs in the end.

Money triumphs in the end. See what I mean? He takes complex financial issues and distills them to their basics that even I can understand.

Money triumphs in the end. I shall have to remember that; that’s good to know!

29 November 2023

Good English Speakin’

Niklas asked me why I intentionally mutilated the odd sentence since, “I’m sure you can’t really be that stupid.” I was touched by his generosity; a lot of other dear friends would never give me that much credit.

I’d never heard that question before. I didn’t have a readymade answer, so in my confusion about what to say I accidentally blurted out the truth.

“I maim and mangle language intentionally to conceal my ignorance,” I explained. “I don’t know what good English speakin’ is, at least when it comes to being a proper grammaritarian.”

My honesty made me feel exposed and a bit embarrassed, but I needn’t have worried. Niklas assumed I was prevaricating and changed the subject.

30 November 2023

Elliot Erwitt

Elliot Erwitt didn’t quite make it to ninety-six, one of my favorite f-stops when I was younger. I’m not going to write about his remarkable life as a photographer and artist; his work stands on its own. (This ain’t an obituary, but obits don’t get better than that.) And so, I’ll mark his passing with a few handy quotes.

“Maybe this should be a secret: photography is a lazy man’s profession. You don’t have to train, like a musician or a doctor or a ballet dancer. You only need the modest ability to achieve order and composition, or find the right balance of mood.”

“You can take good pictures anywhere. You can take good pictures in New Jersey.”

“I criticize some of my colleagues for being overly serious as a defense mechanism for not being very good.”

“In general, I don't think too much.”

1 December 2023

Buddha’s Trifecta

When it comes to the spirits guiding my life, I’m usually talking about whisky and bourbon. Lily’s spiritual life involves more brand names with good market share; to each her/his own. Even though I’m not inflammable, I agree with Pope Frankie the Uno, “Who am I to judge?”

“I’m moving toward the Buddha’s trifecta: old age, sickness, and death,” Lily announced with a smile.

She seemed relatively sanguine and serene with her perspective on life, so I didn’t point out that she had the trifecta in the wrong order, technically speaking.

2 December 2023

Sometimes It’s Deadly to Be a Woman (In Literature)

Sometimes it's hard to be a woman,
Giving all your love to just one man.

I have of course been too lazy to verify the accuracy of those lyrics, but I think there’s a country and western song that goes something like that. I have no idea why I think that since I don’t listen to those sister-kissin’ pop songs, but ...

Wait; am I done yet?

No, I am not.

I’m here to decipher how hard is to be a woman, but not just not any woman. I’m talking about women in litterature.

Elias just forwarded me a list, “Things That Women in Literature Have Died From.” I was immediately suspect because even the least accomplished writing student would have written, “Things From Which Women in Literature Have Died.” I wasn’t concerned about the truthiness of the document; he pulled it off the Internet and that’s good enough for me.

And speaking of a tenuous and tangential connection with the truth, here’s what led to the demise of heroines—and perhaps the odd villainess—between the book covers: clergyman’s dropsy, cold hands, drawing-room anguish, flirting headaches, garden troubles, letter-reading fits, missing slippers, night brain, river unhappiness, sherry (served too cold), spinal degeneration as a result of pride, strolling congestion, wrist fevers, and finally, the worst of all: The Unpleasantness.

Sometimes it's hard to be a woman, giving all your love to just one man, but at least, unlike shawl insufficiency, it’s rarely fatal.

Coming next weak: more of the same.

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©2023 David Glenn Rinehart