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Weak L

11 December 2024

No. 4,004 (cartoon)

I find it incomprehensible that you’d do that.

It really is incomprehensible that you’re that imbecilic.

I find that quite comprehensible.

12 December 2024

In Conclusion ...

I told Gomez that Hermann Rorschach came up with his inkblot test because pornographic images were illegal in Switzerland in his day.

“How did you conclude that?” Gomez asked. “That has to be one of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard.”

“It was simple,” I explained. “I got tired of thinking, so whatever was in my head at the time was obviously my conclusion.”

“I’m sorry about what I said earlier,” Gomez apologized. “Your explanation of how you reach conclusions has to be the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”

13 December 2024

Invest in Sloth

Carlos lamented that after a series of financial setbacks, it was almost as if he shouldn’t have bothered working. I figured that out decades ago when I realized that hard work may or may not pay off in the future, but sloth pays out immediately.

14 December 2024

Humans and Bears Tied

I’m not a vegetarian, so I’m not opposed to hunting wild animals for food. Recreational killing is another story, and today it’s an amusing little woodland tale rich in schadenfreude.

A few days ago hunters in Virginia chased a bear up a tree. The bear was a fat, stationary target, and one of the “hunters” shot and killed it like a sitting duck, even though it clearly had no feathers. Now hang on; here comes the good part ...

The bear dropped out of the tree and landed on one of the shooter’s buddies, killing him. And so, at the end of a day of unsportsmanlike mayhem, the bears and humans tied at one all. The only other news of note was that the gunman got a bonus point for two kills with one bullet.

15 December 2024

The Lizard People

I couldn’t resist following a recent headline, Doctors warn against dangerous new cosmetic trend that leaves people looking like reptiles, so I didn’t.

Apparently some procedures used for minimizing bags of skin under the eyes leave patients with squamate skin under their peepers. I think that’s great; artists like Orlan and Stelarc went through expensive, painful surgical procedures to modify their bodies, but vain idiots are getting a surreal look for no additional charge. And anyway, I’d rather see a lizard face than one that’s been botoxed, sculpted, sandblasted, and painted over.

I think the lizard people should take their skinny situation a step further and have cosmetic surgery for a forked tongue. I have no idea if lizards have forked tongues, but I think that would be a great look for anyone.

16 December 2024

Pea on Bucatino no. 15 on Shoddy Ramen Plynth

I published Rockridge Recipe No. II (Ramen), in 2019. Five years later, I got quite an unpleasant surprise when I bought a twenty-cent block of ramen noodles for an art project and found it was deformed. I opened four more packages and got four more misshapen noodle bricks.

Instead of using the ramen for the original project, I revised it and made Pea on Bucatino no. 15 on Shoddy Ramen Plynth.

Coming next weak: more of the same.

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©2024 David Glenn Rinehart