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Weak VI

5 February 2012

No. 9,205 (cartoon)

What was the happiest time of your life?

When no one hated me.

That was a very long time ago.

6 February 2012

The Right and Wrong Kinds of Time

“I like your photographs,” Walter said. “They’re about the right time.”

“?!” I replied.

“I hate fucking time,” Walter explained. “There’s too much of it, and too much of the wrong kind. That’s why I like your photographs; they preserve the right kind of time.”

“Virtually all of my photographs are of static objects,” I argued, “so there’s really no time in them to preserve.”

“That’s exactly my point,” he agreed.

I still don’t understand why Walter likes boring photographs.

7 February 2012

Twenty Million Redundant Pixels

Nikon Incorporated announced a new camera today; the three-thousand dollar camera features thirty-six million separate light sensors; that’s over twice as many as my camera has. I’m not going to rush out and get one, though, and not just because I don’t have that much money to waste. When it comes to aesthetics, and other twenty million extra pixels aren’t going to make my photographs any better.

8 February 2012

Gratuitous Photo of the Weak: Square (Rectangle)

Most of my photographs are in a three-to-two ratio. That’s because those are the proportions of my camera’s sensor. My camera was built that way because that’s how Oskar Barnack designed the first Leica camera a century ago, more or less.

My Hasselblads use a square format, so when I used them (before I abandoned film) I made square photographs. It’s funny how I let the camera d’jour dictate the proportions of my work.

9 February 2012

Paperless Images

Thom Hogan wrote an interesting premortem on the rapidly atrophying Eastman Kodak corporation. I was struck by one of his observations in particular: “The future of displaying images isn’t on paper.”

With the exception of a portfolio I made years ago, it’s been a couple decades since I printed any of my photographs on paper; it’s been a couple decades since I was in a darkroom. I didn’t make a conscious decision; I just stopped for a while. A twenty-year while, so far.

I’ve always worked with high-resolution digital files, as if I’d eventually get around to printing them. It never occurred to me—until now, perhaps—that I might never make paper prints again. Come to think of it, though, why would I?

10 February 2012

Face Slimmer

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about a Japanese service that allows a user to anonymously inform someone that the hairs in their nostrils are visible. I suppose a lazy person could publish lots of amusing piffle by just reporting on curious popular culture developments in the land of the rising sun. I am that lazy person, so I will.

Today’s example: the Face Slimmer by Glim, a well-known Japanese cosmetics company. Or not. There’s no reference to Glim Cosmetics anywhere on the Internet except in conjunction with the alleged Face Slimmer, which may or may not be a hoax. I’ve never let pesky facts get in the way of telling a story, and I’m not about to start now.

The Face Slimmer is an elastic mouth insert that vaguely resembles is a speculum for the mouth. The device holds the mouth open, giving the user the appearance of an inflatable doll. Or so I’m told.

The premise is that by using facial muscles to open and close the mouth against the resistance of the Face Slimmer, the face will actually become slimmer. Or not. I suspect it’s just a clever way to get young Japanese women to assume a vaguely pornographic look while maintaining their wide-eyed imagined innocence.

11 February 2012

Cadaverine!

Cadaverine! What a great name for a chemical, or anything else. It’s certainly better than its other name, pentamethylenediamine.

Cadaverine is the inimitable liquor animal tissue produces when it putrefies. You don’t have to be dead to produce cadaverine (although it certainly helps); living people can also produce the miracle molecule. It’s is one of the chemicals that gives urine and semen their delicate bouquets.

There must be more to say about cadaverine, but nothing coming to mind or nose at the moment.

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©2012 David Glenn Rinehart