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23 July 2013

No. 3,572 (cartoon)

What an insult!

Only if you agree.

24 July 2013

The Man of Annalee’s Dreams

Annalee told me that she met the man of her dreams.

“That’s wonderful” I exclaimed. “Tell me about him.”

“I don’t know,” she replied, “I woke up too soon.”

25 July 2013

Not Drinking Responsibly

When Kiliaen told me that he’s going into the beer business, I asked him what he knew about brewing. He explained that being a beer entrepreneur involved money and marketing and had nothing to do with beer.

He’s formed a company called The Responsible Beverages Corporation which will soon be selling Responsibly Beer and Responsibly Ale. He’s buying cheap, weak ale from a wholesaler in Stockton, then diluting it even more to make the “beer.”

Even though marketing is the key to selling the swill, Kiliaen hasn’t budgeted any money for promotion. He’s relying on his competitors to do that for him, since almost all of their ads exhort people to drink responsibly.

If Kiliaen makes a lot of money, it won’t be because of me. I enjoy Rainier Ale too much to drink Responsibly.

26 July 2013

The State Bird of Utah

Utah’s state bird is the California Gull. Why is that; ocean envy? Or maybe the silly naming convention is just another of those weird things that Mormons do.

27 July 2013

Love Stinks

Sid showed up at my place in a most odiferous state.

“You smell like a locker room,” I noted. (As an artist, I have a keen grasp of the obvious.)

“That’s good to know,” he replied cheerfully.

He explained that he met an extraordinarily lovely woman with whom he was rather enamored. She told him that he wasn’t courtship material because he didn’t have the right pheromones. That’s why he collected the dirty shirts from everyone on his baseball team. He’s on his way for a second visit, and believes at least one piece of dirty laundry has to have the right scent.

I’m a romantic, not a cynic, so I don’t think that love stinks. For Sid’s sake, though, I may have to make an exception.

28 July 2013

How Royalty Is Made

Some nine months ago William Arthur Philip Louis, the Duke of Cambridge, didst insert his royal penis into the royal vagina of Catherine Elizabeth, Duchess of Cambridge. The duke didst ejaculate his royal sperm, one of which found a royal egg. A few days ago, the royal fetus was extracted from the royal birth canal, and George Alexander Louis was born, another royal parasite for the English taxpayers to support.

Why people tolerate such a ridiculous, medieval institution is beyond me. Maybe the pope knows.

29 July 2013

Gratuitous Photo of the Weak: Tomato

Why can’t I resist photographing fruit that’s been cut in half? I need some new clichés.

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©2013 David Glenn Rinehart