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Weak XXIII

5 June 2010

No. 2,782 (cartoon)

Five damn syllables

Idiotic Japanese

Nonsensical poem

6 June 2010

Derek’s Call to an Empty Room

Derek called at three in the morning and asked me if I was awake.

“As a matter of fact, I am,” I replied. “I’ve been up ever since the phone rang.”

Derek, being Derek, didn’t understand I was referring to his call. When he began telling me about his latest courtship disaster, I put the phone in another room (without hanging up) and went back to sleep.

I doubt he ever noticed he was talking to an empty room.

7 June 2010

The Ichikawa/Wafu Aesthetic

I have a number of possibly quirky beliefs, one of which is that food should never be wasted. This may be because my parents taught me to eat everything on my plate, and/or perhaps it’s because my late father grew up during the depression of the thirties, when getting enough to eat was not a given.

Virtually all of my friends have heard me ask, “Are you going to eat that?” And whenever I’m cleaning up after dinner with friends and their children, I always eat the salmon, asparagus, et cetera that the kids preferred to throw away instead of eating or saving. I’d probably be five stones heavier if I had offspring; that’s one of the many reasons I’m grateful that I’m barren.

I may have a kindred spirit in Yukako Ichikawa, the owner and chef of Wafu. She offers customers who finish their meals thirty percent off their tab. Anyone who doesn’t finish their food is invited not to return.

Ichikawa isn’t shy about defining what it takes to join The Clean Plate Club.

Finishing your meal requires that everything is eaten except lemon slices, gari, and wasabi. Please also note that vegetables and salad on the side are NOT decorations; they are part of the meal too.

So there!

The next time I’m in Sydney, Australia, I shall dine at Wafu. I wonder if Ichikawa will give me a forty percent discount if I finish off a second helping as well?

8 June 2010

Funny(?) Sex Lives

It’s funny how something never happens, then, when it does, it happens repeatedly.

No one I know ever talks about their sex lives; they just don’t. Or rather they didn’t until recently. Within the last week, I’ve heard from two old friends who’ve never met. They’ve both been married for decades, and have grown children. And for some reason, they each decided to report that they’re having “great sex” with their respective partners, “and lots of it.”

“Huzzah!” I replied. That seemed more polite than, “I wish you wouldn’t have mentioned something of less than no interest.”

It’s like John Waters said, “Everyone’s sex life is funny except your own.” Except that I’m not laughing.

9 June 2010

Bryan Ferry’s Subtle Optimism

Bryan Ferry has the challenging job description of being the epitome of suaveness and debonairity. Thus he has no choice but to appreciate some contemporary art. He did so, but with a sophisticated disclaimer.

“However, [modern art] is like music,” he explained. “There is a lot of it, so most of it is bad.”

By carefully choosing the word “most of” instead of “virtually all of,” Ferry revealed himself to be quite an optimist.

10 June 2010

Would You Believe? Cocktails

I was pedaling through the San Francisco avenues when I spotted a saloon with a curious name, Would You Believe? Cocktails. Given the ambiguous typography, perhaps it was Would You Believe Cocktails?

I believe I didn’t go in.

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©2010 David Glenn Rinehart