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Weak XXXIX

24 September 2010

No. 3,491 (cartoon)

What time is it?

You mean now?

No, now.

25 September 2010

Another Stalemate

Nancy and I were arguing about some stupid thing or another when I proposed a concession.

“Let’s compromise and do it my way,” I suggested.

“What’s the point of that?” she asked. “If I did that, then we’d both be wrong.”

Things went downhill from there.

26 September 2010

An Efficacious Walk

I didn’t know what to do in Portland today. I’d been away from Oregon for so long that the city seemed opaque. There’s only one thing to do in such a situation, so that’s what I did.

I walked and walked and walked some more until the day became interesting.

27 September 2010

Glass Half Full Twice

Sandra told me she wanted half a glass of wine, so that’s what I started to pour for her. When I reached the halfway point, she asked me to keep pouring until the glass was full.

“I thought you only wanted half a glass,” I said.

“That’s what my diet calls for,” she agreed, “so I’m having the top half.”

We drank and chatted and drank some more until our glasses were empty.

“Seeing how this is a special occasion, maybe I’ll have another half a glass,” Sandra suggested.

She went on to unconvincingly convince me that only the top half of the glass counted on her diet; she only consumed the bottom half because it would be a shame to waste wine when so many people are thirsty.

When I opened another bottle to toast her sophistry, she neither complained nor rationalized. Should I ever go on a diet, I shall ask Sandra to coach me.

28 September 2010

Pretending to Die and Live

I told Randall that the widely reported suicide last week wasn’t a suicide at all. It turns out that the an embezzler feigned her death to elude federal investigators. Her trick didn’t work, and she’ll probably spend years, perhaps decades, in prison.

“People who only pretend to live should be punished as well,” Randall suggested.

“Isn’t not having a life punishment enough?” I asked.

“Evidently not,” he replied. “The numbers speak for themselves.”

29 September 2010

Changing Lightbulbs for Days

Mary asked me yesterday to replace the dead lightbulbs in her bathroom, so I did. Sort of.

This morning, she asked me to please replace the dead lightbulbs.

“I thought I did,” I replied.

“Well, there are still three bulbs in there that need to be replaced,” she explained.

“I’ll get around to it later,” I promised.

“That’s brilliant, David,” Mary said. “Only you could turn replacing lightbulbs into a two-day job.”

I blushed and tried not to smile. I have many faults, but being immodest isn’t among them.

30 September 2010

Clouds and Highways

I’ve made over a dozen flights this month; I’ve seen lots of clouds and highways looking out of the airplane window. I never tire of looking at clouds; I can’t think of much more to say about them.

The interstate highway system, however, merits a couple comments. The network was designed in the fifties, and it shows. Every time the freeway crosses a river, it splits into two. That’s so traffic can still move in case the enemy destroys one bridge. There’s another cold war touch: every fifth mile is straight to provide a runway for military planes.

It’s good to know about the highway system. If air travel gets much worse, that may be how I get from here to there in the future.

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©2010 David Glenn Rinehart