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Weak XLV

5 November 2012

No. 3,205 (cartoon)

My parents made some disastrous mistakes.

Such as not aborting you?

6 November 2012

Beyond Weird

President Obama won the election today. Or, perhaps more accurately, Willard Romney lost. Weird, normally, is an anagram of Willard Romney. It’s unfair to call Romney weird, though, since he’s way beyond weird for reasons that have nothing to do with his bizarre spiritual beliefs. He appears to be a poorly programmed automaton that tried unsuccessfully to act like a human. I have little faith in the electorate, so I’m pleasantly surprised that a majority of voting Americans could spot a greedy zombie when they see one.

7 November 2012

Problem Solved!

I recently read a lovely piece of research, “Why Thai women cut off their husbands’ penises?” The authors of the study note that scientists have been examining this phenomenon since the American Journal of Surgery published a piece by Kasian Bhanganada and four colleagues at Bangkok’s Siriraj Hospital in 1983, “Surgical Management of an Epidemic of Penile Amputations in Siam.” Subsequent followups include “Factors Associated with Penile Amputation in Thailand” (1998) and “The Epidemic of Penile Amputation in Thailand” (2008).

I don’t know why researchers keep revisiting the subject; the story is always the same. A man has sex with a woman to whom he’s not married, then his wife cuts off his penis when he’s passed out drunk. Problem solved!

What’s curious is why more women don’t engage in penile amputations; it seems like such a simple solution to a common annoyance.

8 November 2012

Gratuitous Photo of the Weak: Presidio Theatre

I was cycling back from a ride across the Golden Gate Bridge when I spotted a nearly illegible sign on a former military base. It took me a while to conclude that the sign said, “Presidio Theatre.” This is yet another perfect example of why one should never go the armed services for graphic design or anything else that doesn’t involve killing tens of thousands of people who don’t look like us.

9 November 2012

Born at Thirteen

Charlie’s chronologically younger than me, but he lives the boring, tedious life of an old man who hasn’t exposed himself to a new idea in decades. He justifies his behavior by claiming that he was thirteen years old when he was born, but I’m not sure if I believe him. I’d ask his mother, but I don’t really trust her either.

10 November 2012

The Tedium of Fingernails

Fingernails and time are funny things if you think about them. Hold everything; that’s not right at all. There’s nothing funny about fingernails and time, nothing at all. Let’s see; where was I?

My fingernails grow imperceptibly until one moment, ping!; they’re suddenly too long. That’s when I procrastinate for days before managing to find the time to cut them. I can always stay up for an our after my usual bedtime to work on some idiotic project, but can I find the time to cut my fingernails? No.

I cut my fingernails today; it took just under a minute. (It might have taken just over a minute if I had ten fingers instead of nine, but that’s something I’ve never tested.) Why I have endless spare hours and rarely a spare minute for fingernails, this I do not understand.

11 November 2012

Things Could Be Worse

Jorge told me that he’s going to North Carolina to participate in a knitting workshop. I suppose things could be worse; it could have been a poetry workshop.

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©2012 David Glenn Rinehart