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Weak II

9 January 2013

No. 7,968 (cartoon)

It’s evident that wine is to be drunk.

It’s apparent that you’re drunk.

It’s obvious that I was to be drunk.

10 January 2013

Gareth’s Predictable Rationalization

Penelope unilaterally ended her romantic relationship with Gareth, and he’s not taking it well. Specifically, he’s comprehensively drunk.

“I don’t think alcohol’s going to solve any problems for you,” I unadvisedly advised.

“Of course not,” Gareth slurred, “but it introduces new problems that are preferable to old ones.”

Rationalization is one of the most predictable manifestations of alcoholism.

11 January 2013

Desert Urination Considerations

Even in the middle of a bitter winter, beer remains the best defense from shriveling into human jerky in the middle of an unforgiving desert. It just works. Always has, always will.

The beer gives me a bursting bladder, and thus godlike powers over who lives and who dies here. Every barely living thing in this arid wasteland would be most grateful for the slightest bit of moisture, and I can’t decide how to allocate my beer byproduct. The shriveled shrubberies look so very needy, the pathetic piñon pines so deserving.

I suffered from options paralysis, so I urinated off a sheer cliff. The liquid evaporated before it hit the ground. I didn’t feel sorry for the plants; they should have known better than to invest in such wretched real estate.

12 January 2013

Aaron Swartz

Aaron Swartz killed himself yesterday. Friends at the Internet Archive knew him well; they describe him as brilliant and innovative. I never met him, but was nevertheless saddened by his permanent solution to a short-term problem.

I suppose it didn’t look like a short-term problem to him: federal prosecutors who wanted to put him in prison for thirty-five years hounded the twenty-six-year old wunderkind. They wanted to make an example of him for making public records such as court documents and university research funded by taxpayer dollars freely available. The details are too complicated to describe here, but suffice it to say that no one I respect has ever denigrated him.

I’m reminded of a case twenty-some years ago when federal prosecutors investigated a friend for child pornography. The charges were groundless, but he told me the pressure was so intense that he considered suicide.

Poor Aaron; what a loss.

13 January 2013

Facial Fitness Considerations

Buzz found me in a foul mood, so he decided to make things worse by trying to cheer me up.

“You need forty-three muscles for a frown, but only seventeen to smile,” he cheerfully observed.

“And seventy-one to scowl,” I replied. “Who’s afraid of a little exercise?”

14 January 2013

Gratuitous Photo of the Weak: Santa Fe Garden

I must flee Santa Fe before I make another pretty desert photograph.

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©2013 David Glenn Rinehart